The Rules of Expectation--on partying in the US

I have been curious, scared, frustrated yet fascinated by the party scene in the US colleges for a long time. I tried to social more this semester because it is the last semester of my college years, and as time goes by, I thought I was finally well-prepared for this kind of life-style. However, the experiences I had both directly and indirectly challenged my "well-prepared" mindset in an interesting yet disturbing way. I said in another article that sometimes you don't need to try everything to know, because all you need is a proof. And once you get that proof, with your curiosity satisfied and confidence re-affirmed, you don't need to go any further.

What I am trying to say here is just if you DO want to go further though, you then HAVE to have the right mindset and a certain degree of moral flexibility in order to keep yourself away from troubles. In general, I'd like to share a few points, and the only thing I want to do is to picture the "right mindset" as objective as possible, and this has nothing to do with my personal feelings or moral boundaries.

So basically my point is: do not go to "dance club" parties if you are not qualified or prepared in the following aspects (Well, of course you can go, but you will never be partying like Americans.)

1. Be over 21 or you have a fake ID.

2. Do not expect that guys will approach you, and do not panic if guys do approach you.

3. Do not panic if the guy who approaches you is super-ugly, and do not expect anything if the guy who approaches you is super-cute.

4. But be comfortable with dirty dance, be very comfortable.

5. No matter how dirty the dance gets, it means nothing.

6. Girls are NOT in the position of asking, hoping, or pushing for anything to happen. In this aspect, do NOT take initiatives. You can send body language signals, but saying it out is taboo.

7. An American guy might be asking or hoping something to happen, but he will NEVER push it to happen.

8. You (girls) always have FULL right to say NO at any point. You can totally send misleading messages and then just disappear, and you don't need to feel guilty, because he won't care. Thus so shouldn't you.

9. If nothing happens, it means nothing. If something happens, it still means nothing.

10. If something does happen, and you like it. Then give the guy your number, and again, do not expect anything.

Bottom line, if you cannot lower your expectations to almost 0, it is usually not a good idea to try to party like Americans.

If you do still want to social but not in this way. Here are some recommendations I'd like to give.

1. Go with girlfriends.

2. Basically when you realize that you're drunk, you might have already done something stupid. If getting drunk is NOT your goal, you'd better not to. (Well some people DO wish to get drunk, then itis totally a personal choice, and I cannot argue with that).

3. Again, you can always reject at any point, before the dance, during the dance, or after the dance.4. It is true that basically American guys go to dance parties with certain goals they want to achieve. And that goal is NOT to get to know new people and become friends with them.

5. If you want to know more people, the BEST parties to attend to are birthday parties or some other parties of a certain organization you might be attached to. There is much better opportunity that you can really get to know more people, just by building it up from one connection to another.

Bottom line: it's all about your own personal choice. If you were not a party girl before, but now you decide to go partying, please just make sure you ask yourself the question of WHY, not just HOW. If you are convinced by your own WHY, no matter how ridiculous it might sound to other people, you have every right to go for it.

And yeah, girls, be safe.

Facts about Puerto Rico

1. Technically there are no Asians onthe island. So be prepared to be perceived as precious as pandas. True, you're under spotlight wherever you go! Especially if you travel in groups...oh lala!

2. Don't worry about directions. Just ask a random person on the street of Mayaguez (not so in San Juan) , no matter how creepy he might looklike, he will pull out a car, say "follow me", and start driving you. (For the record, 4 people drove us like this in the first 24 hours wearrived in PR. And btw, for those who do not own a car, they ride a horse!)

3. Their food is extremely salty. Mofongo is delicious for the first night, but then everyone starts to hate "fried plantains". Locals say it's some kind of banana...trust me, it doesn't taste so.

4. Tons of cute girls with gorgeous figures walking onthe beach and in clubs, no wonder is it one of the places that generated the most Miss Worlds. But in *Daddy*'s words, they "shrink" once they reach their thirties. And on the other hand, the salty food makes them easily fat. To the girls' disappointment, there are basically no/very few hot guys on the island.

5. Be sure to explore the casinos, Only $3 or $5 for each round in Blackjack, I remember it's $20 for one go in Atlantic City. So you'll have a decent good time with only 20 bucks. And if you have good "renpin", most likely you'll go home with more. If you have even better "renpin", you'll win $70 from the slot machine!

6. Some dos:
Do go to the light house on the very southwest corner of the island, and take the 10 min walk though it smells really bad at first. The cliff is something you don't want to miss.
Do go to the luminous bay around the seven seas bay on the very northeast corner of the island, it's one of the 5 only luminous bays in the world, and the only lagoon! Be sure to ask a guy sitting in the back of the kayak though, and trust me, this life enhancing experience totally worth that 45 bucks.
Do go to Ponce for salsa dance in open-air bars by the sea, even if you have never learned salsa before. Locals are really good teachers, and you might get some phone numbers too!
Do go to Cabo Rojo for its seafood, expensive, but you get the chef welcoming you at the door!
Do go to Ponce and tour around the center of the town, with a couple of friends. It's important NOT to tour alone though, you'll need a photographer, and you don't want to walk by yourself in a "ghost town". You should see some good-looking policewomen too!
Do get bikini at the beach, if you don't have one yet. They cost like 20 bucks, and they are good enough! Do wear some sun blocking lotions, guys!
Do try Church Chicken for once. In China, wherever there is a McDonald's, there is a KFC. In Puerto Rico, wherever there is a Burger King, there is a Church Chicken!

7. Some don'ts:
Do not wear girls' perfume when you go clubbing, for guys I mean. You will attract gays........And those gays are not as good-looking as the ones atYale......
Do not underestimate the complexity of roads around the airport. We get lost EVERY TIME. And sometimes people get really excited when they get lost...
Do not talk about politics. We know the special situation of Puerto Rico, right? But we still didn't expect to see a huge sign in a random grocery store stating: no politics in this room.
Do not overly dress up for casinos. Most likely you'll just see tons of grandmas around.
Do not wear short skirts to the fortress. So much wind up there.
Do not expect to get up early every morning. You'll probably get up half an hour later than the day before every day.
Do not underestimate the danger of the rain forest. I am talking about the pond at the end of that famous trail. For your reference, the stones are very slippery.
Do not go to the swimming beach during late afternoon hours. PuertoRico is usually sunny in morning and noon times, and then the clouds accumulate and might even rain in the afternoon. So try to go the beaches early. Unless you want to see the sunset.

In all, every minute spent there is like in paradise. And the most amazing part of our trip is how randomness always work out on our side!

Why we get Addicted?

The best way to get out of an addicted relationship, is to get addicted to another one. Cannot be more true. It doesn't cure anything of course, it just gets the snowball rolling. But honestly it works. It's like American politics, how are we going to end the Iraq War? A lot of times it is not the best of the good solutions, it's just the least worst of all the bad ones.
But why we get addicted at all? Why there are beautiful workaholic women? Why the obesity rate is even higher than the divorce rate in the US? Why are some women obsessed with shoes? The answer to all these questions is: escape.

In that TV drama Tianshi Qingren, the reason why the woman cares only about work is because she is disappointed by her ex-bf, who gives an void promise and went abroad, and then later on, got married to someone else. Of course the woman turned to work days in and out, and not want to think about guys anymore. In the book The Culture Code, there is this story about a fat girl's mother turning to the author for a diet solution, but after some honest conversation with the girl, he concluded the girl is actually trying to gain some weight so as to keep her mother's bf's hands off her. The mother didn't believe him of course, and forced the girl into a diet. The girl solved the obesity problem, but later on she's got skin problems. The mother turned to the author again, obviously when the girl's all slim and fit again, her mom's bf began to want to take advantage of her again, so the girl figured another way to keep his hands off her. Like everything else, obesity is never aproblem, but a solution, and exactly the solution of escape.

Same logic goes with those obsessed with shopping, or computer games, or internet chatting, and even some occasions, sex, all ways of escapes from their real-life problems, be it the pressure from work, or a depressing relationship, or short of money.

That is why I hate it when he says "I don't want to talk about it now". What is "it"? it represents love, intimacy, everything that connects two people together. It scares him, terrifies him, and good for him, because he is secured when he rejects talking. After all, he is 2.5 hour from me. And he can always retreat to his "XXX" watching. But there is nowhere for me to hide or escape. I am done watching friends and sex and the city at least twice.

I realized that I haven't been writing blogs for almost all the winter break, and I realized that I don't need to write when I am having fun. It's just like your best friend is important not because she's there to share your happiness, (well of course she should) but she's someone you could turn to when you're sad, in trouble, or you feel like a loser. Yes I realized why my writing is never happy, never entertaining in a delightful way. My writing is always disturbing, somewhat desperate, and only enjoyable in a tricky way. I realized it is because writing is my "escape", it is my obesity, my shoe shopping, my next addiction.

Yes I am addicted to writing. Because I can always turn to her as a "next".And she will never turn away from me.