ZT: Surprising Stock Market Indicators

Since the dawn of trading stocks, investors have attempted to predict the direction of the markets, making calls based on everything from solid research to gut instincts. In this vein, market indicators have been developed, acting as tools to help investors predict future market movements.

Although countless indicators of varied usefulness exist, there is a special breed that finds itself off the beaten path, for obvious reasons. Some are humorous, others scientifically studied, but all have one thing in common: they attempt to predict future market performance. Not to mention that they can be rather entertaining.

With that said, keep in mind that using these indicators is at your own risk, although the high degree of reliability (not to be confused with validity) of some may surprise you...

1) Hemline/Skirt Length Indicator

This theory suggests that the direction of the economy can be predicted based upon the average length of hems in that year’s new fashion lines. If skirts are short, markets are on the rise. Conversely, if skirts are long, markets are heading down.

The rationale is that longer skirts are worn when general consumer confidence is low, demonstrating fear and lacked spending. When skirts are short, consumer optimism and confidence is high, indicating a bullish market.

Though not a generally accepted indicator, major shows such as NYC’s fashion week do offer a unique perspective into the global psyche; where designers from around the world, working independently, come together to unveil that year’s designs. These designs are at least in part influenced by the culture and economy surrounding the designers.

In early 2008, from London to New York to Milan, reports suggesting the drop in hemline length were abundant… and so were the references to the stock market. Looking back to reports from 2007 and 2008, the headlines are eerily prophetic: Reuters Sept 07: Low Hemlines Spell Bad News for the Market?

2) The Boston Snow Indicator

This simple, one-for-one indicator suggests that a white Christmas in Boston means a rise for stocks the following year. The most common example is in 1995, when more than 11 inches of snow fell on Boston. In 1996, the S&P was up more than 20 percent, and the Dow increased more than 26 percent, so what’s the correlation?

In reality, there is no statistical correlation between Boston’s Christmas snowfall and positive performance in major market averages, which is why it is also called the “BS Indicator,” named by some NY Yankees fans on Wall St.

In the past 30 years, Boston has seen 9 White Christmases, according to the Farmer’s Almanac. In the years following, the S&P 500 was up 5 times (+14.99 on average), and down 4 times (-7.83 on average). It seems the Boston Snow Indicator may be more of a coin toss and less of a solid indicator.

3) Super Bowl Indicator

The Super Bowl indicator is based on the belief that a championship for an AFC team predicts a decline in the stock market for the coming year, and a win for the NFC means the stock market will be up. The NFC is comprised predominantly of original NFL teams, from before the 1970 merger with the AFL. (Original NFL teams that switched to the AFC when the AFL and NFL merged include the Steelers, the Colts and the Browns.)

The indicator has been pretty consistent over the years when it comes to the original NFL/AFL teams. Of the 22 NFL wins, with Dow and S&P 500 have been up 12.3 percent and 12.2 percent on average, while over the 14 AFC wins, the Dow and S&P have been down 4.8 percent and 3.6 percent, respectively. These numbers don’t take into account expansion teams that have been created since the merger.

Luckily for this year both Super Bowl contenders - the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers - were both original NFL teams. Although there may be no logical connection between Super Bowl winner and the stock market, the results have certainly been consistent. For more stats on this indicator, check out this post on our By The Numbers Blog.

Of note, for each of the five prior Steelers Super Bowl wins, the Dow has had double digit gains.

4) Billboard Top 100 Indicator

The newest indicator on this list is rooted in pop culture — it's got a good beat, and you can dance to it. Phillip Maymin, assistant professor at the Polytechnic Institute of New York University, released a study in late 2008 that analyzes the connection between volatility in the market and trends in popular music.

Maymin analyzed the “beat variance” in songs from the Billboard Top 100 chart using sophisticated computer software, looking at songs from 1958 through 2007. He found that songs with high beat variance — individual tracks that shift tempo throughout the song — are preferred in times when market volatility is low. When volatility is high, people tend to prefer songs that have a more consistent beat.

Mayman suggests that high beat variance is more intellectually draining, and thus less popular during times of high volatility. His paper also analyzes trading volatility based on his findings, and the potential profitability of the indicator.

Can this trend be trusted? Maymann himself suggests that mood is the key driving force of this indicator, which has been known to affect markets. It certainly is the most scientifically approached indicator on this list…The original scientific paper can be downloaded here.

5) Lipstick Indicator/Lipstick Effect

This bearish indicator is based on the idea that when individuals feel uncertain about the future, they turn to less-expensive luxuries, most notably vanity items such as lipstick. The trend suggests that lipstick sales increase during a recession or times of economic uncertainty. The use of lipstick has also been suggested to be a “mood enhancer,” which would understandably function to lift spirits during depressing times.

According to the New York Times, this term was coined by Leonard Lauder, the chairman of Estee Lauder, who noticed a surge in lipstick sales in the downturn following the September 11 attacks. How has this indicator held up in 2008? The New York Times reported in November that sales of cosmetics had risen more than 40 percent in the last months of 2008 with other sources reporting cosmetics sales up across the board.

6) Harvard MBA Indicator

This is a long-term indicator founded in quite a bit of logic. It looks at the percentages of Harvard Business school graduates entering into various market-sensitive jobs, such as investment banking, private equity and securities trading. The indicator signals investors to exit the market if more than 30 percent of graduates take these jobs, while investors should go long if less than 10 percent of graduates move into these fields.

The indicator is meant to demonstrate long-term trends based on the attractiveness of Wall Street jobs. The idea is that the more Harvard grads entering the financial job market, the more likely the market is nearing a top, or building a bubble that is about to burst. Conversely, when markets are lagging, fewer want to enter Wall Street and it may indicate a buying opportunity.

The indicator was created by Roy Soifer, a Harvard business graduate. In 1987 and 2000, Soifer’s index gave sell signals, and the S&P moved +2.04 percent and -9.78 percent respectively. However, the 1987 call seems rather prophetic, given the stock market crash that Fall.

7) January Effect

First recognized in the 1980s by Don Keim, a graduate student from the University of Chicago, was the January effect. He observed the phenomenon dating back to 1925, where small cap stocks outperform the broader market and mid- to large cap stocks in the month of January. T

he trend arises from a historical sell-off trend that occurs in December, as private investors (who tend to disproportionately hold small cap stocks) sell their securities, creating tax losses in order to offset capital gains. The January effect results as these individual investors will reinvest following a drop in prices after the relatively artificial surge in sell orders.

However, the January effect has been less pronounced in recent years, with the increased popularity of tax-sheltered retirement funds, which remove the incentive to sell for a tax loss at the end of the year. There is also the idea that according to the direction that the market takes in January, the rest of the year will follow. “As goes January, so goes the year.” For more information on this, check out a recent post on our By The Numbers Blog.

8) Aspirin Count Indicator

When times are tough, headaches abound… and aspirin sales go up! The idea is that, as a lagging indicator, stock prices and aspirin sales are inversely related. So, when the sales of asprin go up, the market goes down. This is generally considered more of a humorous theory than a concrete strategy.

How did this lagging indicator perform in 2008? Wyeth reported that sales of pain/headache reliever Advil were up 2 percent (to $673 million) compared to a year earlier, noting a sales increase of 8 percent (to $171 million) in the fourth quarter. So, at least for 2008 there seems to be a correlation, but then again, the aspirin count indicator has never been formally studied.

9) Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue is a hot topic in the world of economic indicators.

First, there is an indicator based upon the nationality of the cover model. It suggests that when the cover model is from the United States, the S&P will show a return for the year above it’s historical rate. With a non-American cover model, the S&P 500 will underperform for the year.

From 1979 to 2008, the average return of the S&P 500 was 8.87 percent. When the cover model was American, the average annual return of the S&P 500 was 13.9 percent. With a non-American cover model, the average annual return for the S&P 500 was 7.2 percent.

Going against the theory, the best performing year for the S&P 500 was in 1995 (up 33.56 percent) when the cover model was Daniela Pestova, of the Czech Republic. The worst performing cover model was also a victim of the financial meltdown, American-born Marissa Miller saw the S&P plummet 38.49 percent during her cover year. This year’s cover: Bar Rafaeli, an Israeli citizen.

There also appears to be a trend in the hair color of the cover model. For more, check out this post from our By The Numbers Blog.

10) Pallet/Cardboard Box Indicator

The Pallet/Cardboard Box indicators are straightforward and rather logical. Basically, the higher the demand for corrugated boxes and shipping pallets — necessities when shipping products to customers — the higher the demand for the products being shipped.

Today, virtually everything purchased on a large scale at some point was in a box or shipped on a pallet. Known followers of the cardboard box indicator include Alan Greenspan, who was known to look at cardboard box numbers, among other things, for insight into shifts in the economy.

In today's down economy, numerous businesses in the corrugated box industry are posting losses. Among them was European firm Smurfit Kappa Group PLC, the continent’s largest producer of the cardboard boxes. Smurfit’s revenues fell by $269.9 million in 2008 from 2007, with operating profits falling 50 percent, according to company documents.

It seems the cardboard box indicator can give some pretty reliable insight into the ebbs and flows of the markets. In a similar approach, many look at the transports to prognosticate that increased shipping implies a growing economy.

11) The Big Mac Index

Developed by The Economist, the Big Mac is dubbed “the world’s most accurate financial indicator based on a fast-food item.”

The indicator is based on the theory of purchasing-power parity, which is the notion that one dollar should buy the same amount of product in every country. The Economist suggests that in the long run, the exchange rate between two countries should reach equilibrium, and the ability to buy the same items in each country should remain in-sync.

The Economist selected the Big Mac for its ubiquity — it is sold in about 120 countries. The index, however, only lists Big Mac PPP levels in 34 currency zones, according to their most recent report. The comparison of actual exchange rates with the Big Mac’s purchasing power parity ostensibly sheds light on whether a currency is under- or over-valued. The Economist provides a thorough history of its index on its Web site.

Reflections

On September 1st I walked out of my cozy apartment on 28th street and as I was rushing to the subway station, the coolness of the morning breeze struck me. I looked up into the sky and it was the same sheer blueness, and people were still busily walking around in their summer clothes, but at that moment this little voice started to talk at the back of my head: wow, so it’s autumn again.

It’s just like realizing, wow, it’s been a year since I started working in New York, and it’s amazing how I love this city a little bit more every day.

I finally took my vacation in mid August. I admit it was a hell of hectic to schedule such a vacation with a group of people, especially if you have more than enough to worry about at work in the mean time. But it turned out to be one of the most rewarding experiences in my life: Yes there are too many beautiful people in Miami, and they have huge alcohol cups similar to fish tanks; yes the water is gorgeous in Virgin Islands and the beaches are so relaxing and almost make you never want to leave again, and they have alcohol cups come in different animal shapes at Red Hook…

But the most amazing thing is that I got really close with the group of people I am traveling with. I became the huge fan of “the cube” test after I learned it from M (rest assured, I want to thank you for sharing the test and you play amazing guitar). And my answer to the flower question is that I have many, come in all shapes and kinds, and they lie around the cube, which is true I guess, if it really represents friendship. But close friends are not that easy to find; once found, probably even harder to keep.

The other day I realized I still took too many things for granted. I was telling a new friend that H and X are my best friends without noticing I haven’t even talked to them for weeks. I would simply reply “I’m busy” when they finally decided to shoot me a line on msn/gtalk while they might have considered doing that 10 times already. I regret that I have done that to you. H, I do owe you drinks and be prepared to come claim for it; and X, you have always listened to my craps and never asked anything from me, but when you visited us back in New York I wasn’t even able to spare a dinner with you. I am going to call you this week, I promise.

And Y, it’s such a pleasant surprise you will be working right next to my building for the next couple of weeks and sorry I wasn’t even able to get back to you in time about lunch recommendations. Sometimes I wonder how we become close, to be honest. I mean for all those years we were supposed to be together but never really together at school. But I have a secret to tell you: the other day, in the cab, when I was trying to avoid the conversation about T, again, you looked at me in the eye and said, you can’t even tell me about this? Yes that was the moment I decided to be completely open to you.

I used to be very emotional. I guess through the years I learned to be in better control of myself and sometimes I am afraid to express myself too much, because then I would probably want to cry. Like to my parents, I owe them so much but I couldn’t say I love them as much. And like to you, you probably don’t know but you guys mean the world to me. And the thing that I appreciate the most from all of you, is that you are so deadly honest with me. You are the ones I could yell at, be mad at, sometimes even ignore, but never betray. If there is one offer I could give you I’d like to say: you are safe with me.

Sometimes I wonder what life holds for each one of us. There are always people who seem to have never worked hard enough but got everything, and there are always people who tried everything they can but still won’t get what they want. Why? Today I realized life may simply have a plan for you. If you are good enough, things will happen to you. The other day a headhunter contacted me, one year through my work, about a mid-year Associate level position; and the PM I had a huge crush on invited me to this game tonight (it didn’t really work out but it still made my day).

Seriously, if you are good enough, things will happen to you, eventually. This is what I felt when I first met you J. But I have to step back and reflect before I can move on. There are things people are looking for in each other. A girl looking for some rich guy is no different from a guy looking for a pretty girl. It is normal. I was once confused if I didn’t go to Yale, I don’t have this long hair, I don’t work in finance, or I don’t speak those languages, or I don’t know as many people, will you, or anyone, still like me? I was trying that hard to separate myself from all the titles, the outlook, the so-called qualifications. Then one day I suddenly realized those are me, those made me who I am today. And I would probably look at you and inevitably judge you the same way you were judging me.

So I was relieved, and happy. Because it is still amazing, that those who you care about also care about you.

So people, I want to invite you to take the ride with me. And this one is for you L: No matter what happens I know I owe you this one:

Life, not time.

How honest can you be?

A few days ago, I discovered Penelope Trunk’s blog and I have been reading it almost non-stop. She is insanely honest and extremely sharing with her insightful and practical advices on networking, job hunting, career and life in general.

“How to decide how much to tell about yourself on your blog” was among the very first few articles I read about her and I was stunned, but the more I read into her writings the more I came to understand why she could be so successful as a blogger, a woman, and a careerist. Because she dares to put herself out there; she dares to take risks to explore around in order to find her true desire and strengths; and most importantly she admits and accepts her failures (or anything bad that ever happened to her), be cool about it, and then just moves on.
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/07/21/how-to-decide-how-much-to-tell-about-yourself-on-your-blog/

Boys used to hate me in elementary school, because I report to the teacher. I didn’t see this as a problem because I always got the top scores anyway, until one day someone started throwing snowballs at me and many other boys joined him.

My first year in middle school was just ok. My school was again pretty dominated by guys and only those who play basketball liked me because I always go cheer for them when they are playing against other classes. Then one day my head teacher called me to her office and told me some guys didn’t like me that much because they thought I was selfish. I was shocked, but more than shocked I was confused. I asked my teacher why would they think that way and my teacher replied I don’t know either but it seems to them that being the team leader, you don’t do enough cleaning work when your team is assigned to be on duty.

Oh I see. It was clearly a false claim to me but for a moment I didn’t know how to tackle it. It was toward the end of the semester and then I got an idea, or an idea naturally came to me. We write self-analysis report every semester in which we summarize our performance on a bunch of things, and we are supposed to read it out loud to the entire class the last day at school, every word. That semester, besides commenting on my studies, my dancing, cheerleading, meeting hosting and a bunch of other activities, I said:

It seems some of you thought I was selfish, I am not sure where you draw this conclusion from but I don’t think this is true about me. In my team I have assigned the work according to gender, height and the workload. The work I assigned to myself is by no means easier or less time consuming than any other work that other people are assigned to. For the sole purpose of effective allocation, I think it’s most efficient for me to do this piece of work because I think everyone else is doing great and is the most suitable person for every other job. If anyone still thinks I am selfish simply because I used my judgment to better use everyone’s time, please let me know and I am more than willing to exchange my job with you if that will make you happier.

Yes I read these words out loud to my entire class, and it is no surprise that everyone else, including the teacher, was stunned. However what went beyond my imagination was that I became the most popular kid in the class, especially among guys. Was it because I was being logical and I honestly played a powerful defense? I highly doubt that. I think it was simply because I even dare to talk about these things in public, to reveal the fact that some people pointed out that I was selfish.


Most people will downplay anything remotely negative to their image. It is probably highly unnecessary. When Ellen finally revealed that she was gay, yes she lost her job, but it opened up many windows and eventually a completely refreshed and relieved world to her. Come to think about it, it’s not even that hard.

Be honest, and set yourself free.

A Random Walk on a Rainy Day

I was walking on 9th street toward 2nd avenue, when it started to rain. I went into the Starbucks around the corner and waited in line to get my favorite mango banana Viviano. The woman in front of me ordered 2 packs of coffee that would probably feed a zoo, and the guy behind the counter had a smirk that reminded me of an old friend.

It was another Sunday late morning, and I was walking in the rain in East Village, without an umbrella. I was in my white dress with black roses and I was not in a hurry. The raindrops caressed my hair and crept down my face, I was too lazy to raise my arm to my eyebrow so I let the water blur my green color contact.

It was not blurred however, it was crystal clear.

I wandered under the sidewalk shed and I remembered how she posed against one of the bars while another Indian/Middle Eastern looking guy, in suit and sports shoes, was sitting right next to her talking loudly on phone, how they completely ignored each other’s existence, how the photographers worked so hard to capture the asymmetry from different angles, and how random people on the street took out their cell phones to shoot this bizarre assembly of a Gothic dressed vampire looking model with an innocent looking stranger on phone.

I was looking at them from across the street, and I was smiling. It was one of the moments that you would feel so close and so remote from the city, like you are in a complete crowd and suddenly you yearn for solitude.

It was probably the first time I began to appreciate a rainy day, just like I began to appreciate the mindset of being alone. Alone but not lonely, it’s the state of mind I was trying to pursue. But every so often we confuse the two, and the other night at the club I suddenly felt so lonely and almost desperate. It was not healthy I know but it was so hard to control. I had to leave that place crowded with happy faces and drunken music. I had to find a place to hide, somewhere safe, somewhere I could call home.

I have been away for so long. I saw the picture of my dad the other day. I haven’t seen him for 2 years and he got so slim that really scared me. I called home immediately and it was busy tone again and again. I was devastated and water started to come out from my eyes. I remembered when I was little how I used to sit on my dad’s hand and he twisted my little butts around; I remembered when he came back as a visiting scholar from the US (after 3 years and then I was a first year in middle school) and I was stunned by how short he became and how tall I had grown…

And now I was so scared and I almost felt I was losing him. Luckily it was just he has been doing a lot of walking, like several hours of intensive walking every day. He didn’t lose any weight but just got fit. Maybe it’s good for him. It was a relief to me.

I talked to my parents, for the first time, calmly, about this guy I have been kind of seeing, and I was surprised that they took it amazingly well. It was almost incredible that my parents didn’t vote negatively immediately and they were even patient enough to hear all the details that I couldn’t even recall. My dad said, it was a positive that your mom was not yelling at you. But I think it’s because she hasn’t heard from you about anyone for so long so she didn’t want to disappoint you, or herself.

I took a long breath in the rain, and I hear people talking, about irrelevant things. New York is amazing as in it’s so big, so nobody even notices you; and as in it’s so small, so you can totally run into someone you know almost every day, at randomly corners, random times. Last Halloween I was intimidated I had to take the subway dressing up as a pirate. My roommate told me, don’t you worry, you’ll only see worse.

And she’s absolutely right. Sometimes I wonder if I would even find a place for someone as tiny as myself; but one day you will know that New York has the power to accommodate every character and uniqueness.

You remain alone though, in this world that can be a little bit crazy. The first step to appreciate everything and everyone else, is to enjoy the very moment and be absolutely comfortable, when you are with yourself.

And my parents, I love them too much, they don’t even know.

When you lose everything

I randomly discovered Ellen DeGeneres’s commencement speech at Tulane. I watched Ellen’s talk show 4-5pm almost every day my senior year. She used to make my afternoons filled with laughter and joy, and some contemplation about life. Now I have a full-time job so I have to skip but this clip reminds me how sharp and hilarious she is.

Enjoy!

500 Days of Summer

Joseph Gordon-Levitt
500 Days of Summer

Justin Long
He’s just not that into you

Rodrigo Santoro
Love Actually

I love these 3 movies, and these guys are so cute in them. For some reason I thought they are all half Asian. But turns out Joe was born in LA and raised as a Jew; Justin was born in Connecticut and raised as a Roman Catholic; and Rodrigo is a Brazilian.

This demonstrates how wrong I can be about people a lot of times. Or again, people see what they want to see: you notice one thing, and you completely ignore everything else. I see them as half Asian because I like them, I want to relate to them, and because I know nothing else about them, I could probably only assume that they are half Asian, which makes me more comfortable liking them.

Yes I want to relate to you, to identify with you, to find another self within you, maybe then I could be safe. But a lot of times, no matter how hard you try to understand a person, you end up finding a complete stranger. As weird as you are, you couldn’t figure out the other person’s weirdness. There are too many question marks haunting your little mind, so then you freak out, then you want to escape.

And the worst thing came when you said, I don’t think I’m coming back again. And He looked at you for a couple of long seconds, and said, Ok, I understand. Not knowing what else to say, you rushed out feeling incomplete or even betrayed, and the next second you know you wanted him back but oh too late, he now refuses to respond to any of your messages or calls.

It was your decision to quit, no? But why you are so mad, or so sad?

Take your time when you decide to enter something; cut it off quick and clear when you decide to end something. Most of the time, however, we do the opposite; that’s why we suffer. But would you really know more when you take your time? Aren’t those things you already know to start with but maybe for some reason you are afraid to admit?

Maybe the ending was sad in 500 Days of Summer, I mean she got married, with another guy: “I just woke up one day and I knew…Something I was never sure about with you.” Such a courageous yet heart-breaking line, but it left me wondering, is this love then, when you wake up one day and you know?

Who even created this whole idea of love? Those beautiful words sitting next to each other on the greeting cards, what if it’s just another complete lie we constantly tell ourselves? One of my best friends once told me he wanted a girl who is bad tempered and not easy to control, he thought life would then be more fun and more colorful. I couldn’t make any sense of what he’s talking about.

This is like a disaster to me. I thought ultimately we want to find happiness, peace and understanding. Maybe we’re all fundamentally different: me, and almost everyone else. My best friend once told me, I think you need to find someone who is of your kind.

My kind, uh?
Wow, good luck with THAT…

P.S. I just discovered this blog “Crucial Minutiae”, which is about the little things around us everyday, contributed by a group of talented writers bound by friendship. I added the blog to my Google Reader immediately. They have this very insightful article on 500 days of summer, so enjoy some painful fun here:
http://www.crucialminutiae.com/500-days-of-summer-a-love-letter-to-a-not-love-story

It's Never Too Late

An old saying goes, it’s never too late. Well yeah God gives you one chance, you blow it, then another you blow it again, then another…until one day God decides fine I’m done with it. Up until that day, yeah you can say it’s never too late. But how would you know? Maybe to some extent you know. Maybe your instinct is really there to navigate you.

But the other day I realized one thing what does it’s never too late mean? It means NOW. It means you should stop procrastinating and start doing your job NOW. It also means FORWARD looking. It’s always late if you compare to the past, but past is past, so what matters is what will happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow.

Coordination is hard. You can’t even figure out your own life, how are you supposed to navigate others. Hillary gave an awesome farewell speech when she’s leaving the presidential campaign, better than any other speeches she made during the campaign. It’s hard for women, it’s the dilemma you could not reconcile. You have to try twice as hard just to be perceived the same level as men, then people will critize that you are losing your feminine side that you are now too strong.

But Hillary encouraged us to look forward, to embrace the future, to start off all confident and graceful again. It’s not as easy as it sounds. It demands courage and self-control, more than anything else.

I am exhausted. But tomorrow is another day.

If you know anything about me

I realized that I am first and foremost a sharing person. That is what brought me to BlackRock. That is also why after spending several days doing research on flights (not just where, when and how to find cheap tickets but what dates, even what time frame suggest the best strategies to book them), I shared the information with everyone else who’s going on the trip. They call it time the market, probably.

I am exhausted to be honest. I remember my dad, who’s simply so good at everything. Seriously everything, painting the walls, putting together a wall, adjusting the floor, fixing broken furniture or the sink, he’s better than those so called professionals…These things sometimes detracts him because he has to spend time on this after all. Then he stays up late for his papers and assignment grading, as a professor.

For me, I remember how I used to spend all my independent-studies time to lead dance rehearsals in high schools, or portray pictures on the blackboard for the parents’ board meetings. A friend used to tell me, you work more because you’re good. True, well if God granted me certain gifts that I could take advantage of, the only thing I can think of is to share what I can get with other people. Sometimes I don’t even need a thank you. I just need you to trust me, stop arguing with me, and enjoy the free ride I’ll be offering.

Sounds too nice, almost untrue.

Hardly nice though, yet very true.

I realized what’s important to me. The thing I value the most, efficiency. Efficient and good attitude, I would love you. By efficient I mean do your homework, use all the research tools as much as you can, don’t ask questions that will make you look stupid, and when you communicate with other people, be concise, be reasonable, be right-to-the point. That’s how you build your reputation. Everyone’s time is limited. People would only want to waste their time in the way they want to waste it, and that by all means would not include listening to your rambling (there are exceptions, as always. Who defines exceptions? Yourself)

Sometimes I think my girlfriends want to be with me because I have many guy friends. Sometimes I think my guy friends want to be with me because I have many girlfriends.
Ok, so what? The fact is they are with me. If must still tells something about myself, so I shouldn’t think too much.

Yeah, life is beautiful as it is. Though sometimes I am pissed and I yell at you.
You are still beautiful.

Tree Hole

They said in ancient times, people would go into the mountains and the forests to find a tree hole, and tell the tree hole their secrets, then they seal the hole with some mud, and the secrets would stay there forever.

I guess everyone needs a tree hole. People have too much pressure nowadays. Under pressure, either we run, or we endure. For some people, run is not even an option. So they endure, and endure, and endure, until one day they explode. Yet they don’t talk. They are so afraid that everyone else is everything else but themselves. People are ultimately lonely. The more, the less.

Maybe that’s why I like water. It’s liquid; it’s smooth; it floats and it heals. It demands just a crack to sneak in, but a large space to fill out. It’s like time, something subtle, yet so real. But one day he told me, don’t think about time, think about life.

Sometimes I wish I were a little girl. I would wear a sunflower dress, with a huge hat, and run into the forests to chase squirrels. Then once in a while I will stop to pick the flowers, to taste the creeks, and if I were lucky, I would find a tree hole too. Then I would sit down there and talk and talk, until I fall asleep.

I used to try too hard; now I finally learned to step back, or even step out, stop, and breathe. I have been trying to find someone who fits, someone I could trust and be comfortable with; but recently I have been wondering ultimately what I want…I guess ultimately I want someone who would listen even when I am talking about something really crazy or stupid, someone who would smile back when I am smiling crazily or stupidly.

A tree with a tree hole. A little shade and a safe place.
That’s enough for me.

The Translation for ShanLiang

I never found an accurate translation for this Chinese phrase “Shan Liang”, it basically means being kind in heart, having a soft spot in his soul, having some symphony for those who are weak, poor, hurt or sad.

Michael Jackson died. Probably he was the only other American guy beside Michael Jordon that every Chinese knows as well. There are many articles online about him. About how he died, how his company pushed him to the very last minute with rehearsals, how many debts he had burdened himself, and how different people from all parts of the world were so remorseful over his death.

Then today I saw this tiny article on how he was a person of “shan liang”. It seems right before he passed away, two female American journalists, perceived as national spies, were put into prison in North Korea. After Michael Jackson got to know this, he called up one of the famous journalists and asked him the phone number of Kim Jong-il. Michael thought Kim Jong-il wears military clothes all the time, and Michael himself likes military clothes as well, so he thought Kim Jong-il would very likely be one of his fans. So he decided to call Kim Jong-il to plea to him and to testify that the two American journalists were not spies.

Maybe this is simply a fake one. But I was deeply touched by how shanliang and even naïve he was. So naïve that I wanted to laugh, but when I wanted to laugh I felt slightly sad and weak at the same time. This story touched my soft spot and for a moment I thought to myself, so this is what it is like to be a human being.

I read this Chinese novel the other day. It is about competition, hidden rules, capabilities, promotions, friendship, love, betrayal, and ultimately trust within a large PR firm. Life is easy for nobody, and along the way many of us became less and less of a human. Some people turned into machines, some people turned into animals, and some people turned into devils…yet some remained. They remained vulnerable; they also remained strong.

Be thankful, if you look inside of your heart, you are still human.

Freaking Out

This is probably the second most overly used phrase beside the other F word.

I still remember how my friend commented that the proficiency and comfort of your English can be justified by how smoothly you quote the F word. He used to be amazed by how American kids can squeeze two or three F words with different forms into one sentence at ease. And the master came when sex and the city created the classic of “abso-f**king-lutely”.

Nobody ever cared if those were used in the right way to start with. But nowadays I seem to hear more of the other F phrase. This gorgeous raising junior I know at this Ivy school, balancing between 2 prestigious internships in NYC this summer while so many qualified peers were totally screwed by the financial crisis and had no idea what else to do other than bitching about the economy, confessed to me the other day that she totally freaked out.

I was confused. Freaked out because of the burden of two jobs? Or freaked out because she’s become the target of jealousy. Neither. The answer was half way through college life, fought her way to leadership roles in multiple extracurricular organizations and navigating her academic endeavors through English literature, financial theories and art history, she realized that she had no idea what to do with her future. So she decided to freak out.

Maybe I was exactly like that when I was her age, and I was not even remotely as lucky as she is. Yeah I guess I freaked out too, but I survived. I pushed my boundaries hard enough until one day I realized so what? Yes it’s pretty bad, it’s probably the worst thing ever happened to me, but life goes on. In this world, maybe there is nothing more exciting than life itself. And the fact that I am still hanging right here, means enough for me.

Some of my friends used to say that I think too much. They tell me 1 and I will think about 2, 3, 4, 5. Probably it’s a legitimate claim. But how could you not be thinking? How could you not be curious, how could you not be wondering what kind of person you really are, who you will become in due time, what kind of person you’ll end up with, and what kind of places you’ll end up be at…and when you have no clue to one or two of the questions, you naturally freak out.

Today at work we use freak out in a much more frequent and less fancy way:
Oh my boss wants me to read his palm? What am I gonna say? That really freaks me out…
Compliance breach, oh that freaked me out…
So what are the fees? Shoot what are the fees again? You don’t know either? Don’t freak me out…
PMG’s gone for the day? Oh no I’m totally freaking out…
Another call from Tokyo, gosh our MD’s freaking out again…
Basically it turned into anything that holds a spot along the spectrum from slightly worried to decently anxious to potentially about to breakdown.

Sometimes I laugh at myself how often my colleagues or I myself quote this phrase. It simply comes out naturally, without any effort, as if I am turning into someone who can squeeze the F word into long sentences at ease. Right I was not even thinking when I used it. That’s it. I was not even thinking. Because we don’t have time to differentiate between slightly worried or extremely anxious, we don’t even have time to run to the bathroom, or respond to a SMS, or go downstairs to grab some real coffee.

So we decided to yell out freak out without really freaking out. We can’t afford to really freak out. We just say it anyway.

I think it makes us feel slightly relieved, yeah slightly.

No Pressure

Of course there is no pressure.
There is no responsibility either.

You thought you were happy today.
Because you don't worry about the future.
Or make a void promise you never keep.

But things come together in this world.
That is why choice is hard.
That is why choice differentiates.

You thought you made it fair.
But no, you only want the good ones.
And then one day you will leave me.

leaving me to say to myself:
Oh isn't this just life?

Hey hey, time to wake up~~~

Two kinds

There are two kinds of crazy people in the world.

The first kind is crazy because they are weird, but they are weird in a way that makes a lot of sense. They tend to be charming and amusing. They are lonely too, that’s why sometimes they would fall for you if you are simply good to them. Their weirdness is precious yet vulnerable, something they might want to hide but still naturally show. They come to this world to find someone to appreciate them. And if that someone is you: you give them 1, they give you 100.

The other kind is crazy because their very existence drive other people insane. They do not make sense and they do not need to. Their craziness grows every time when other people become more miserable. The best trick they can play is to hurt someone twice, in the exact same way, and they think there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. They have difficulty recognizing when other people are sad or mad. There is no soft spot in their heart; or maybe they have deleted that long ago.

Be careful though, the second kind can be disguised to be the first one.
Keep away from them.

Overheard

I’d like to get some groceries and put them into your fridge. Hmm I like that idea.

Maybe~~~

--Should I open the window?
--No, you’ve got enough mosquito bite on your ankle.
--Wow I’m impressed that you noticed that.
--Oh there are a lot of things that I’ve noticed.

You are wonderful.

Oh did I tell you that? You are so wonderful.

I guess I’m nervous.

--What do you want?
--For you to be happy.

Do you know why I like it? Because it’s a two-way street. It’s like how I feel when you said we are wearing sunglasses of the same shape.

--Hi.
--What’s up.
--Just checking in.
--Oh when are you going to check out?
--Funny girl.

I like it when you are analyzing me.

I feel like a kid.

Zhu!

Kuaile.

--What are you thinking?
--I think you should promote me.
--But the economy has been bad…
--Hmm, take your time.

--I can’t believe you picked green tea favor!
--oh you don’t like it?
--I love green tea…

--From sweet to comfortable, is that an upgrade or a downgrade?
--An upgrade, for sure.

Te extrano tambien.

The Cube

Imagine a room.
What’s the color of the wall?

Now imagine a cube.
How big is the cube?
Is it solid or transparent?
Where is it in the room, floating in the air or sitting on the ground?

Imagine a ladder.
Where is the ladder?
Is it a long one or a short one?

Imagine some flowers.
Where are the flowers?
How many are there?
Are they of the same type or not?

Now a horse (or some type of animal for guys)
What are the characteristics you’d like to describe him/her?
What is the animal doing in the room?

Finally imagine a storm.
Is it outside of the room or inside of the room?
Does it mess things up in the room?

Done!

If you, too, want to know a total stranger in 5 minutes for things he might not even know about himself. Try the cube.

You are then more than welcome to consult me about how to interpret the answers, lol.

The PV of Future Happiness

Can you wait? He asked me.

Yes I can. I sighed, but I’d rather have it right here and now.

If you are locked in a room with a beautiful lady for an hour, and you can choose to kiss her in the first minute or the last minute of the hour, which one will you choose?

The majority would prefer the first minute. No surprise.

1 Dollar values more today and less tomorrow, the future cashflow will have to be discounted to get the present value. It’s not about finance, even; it’s human nature.

Someone may argue that the anticipation built up through waiting will make the final realization much more favorable and satisfactory. Not necessarily.

Why? Because we are ultimately helpless and vulnerable.

We are so afraid that bad things will happen in the future so let’s don’t worry about it until it actually happens. Let’s be happy today if we can be happy at all. Let’s over-spent, let’s abuse our relationships, let’s get wasted, let’s for once not to worry about consequences and set ourselves free.

We don’t care about future not because we don’t want to but we cannot, so we initiate some sort of self-protection mechanism.

Some people call this risk-aversive. If you start to secretly calculate the PV of almost everything (including future happiness), and automatically reject anything that has a negative NPV, you know that finally, you have become just like everybody else.

I don’t like that idea.

I wish I could be brave enough to face my future problems as of today; and strong enough to be patient with the blossoms in my life.

But right now, still, I wish you were here with me.

Compliment

I am gonna give you a huge compliment.

I really like the taste.

The conversation with a Scorpio

After an hour of debate on some plausible explanations backing up the idea of horoscope and slightly defending myself against stereotyping, I decided to “give up”. Sometimes, it’s hard to identify whether a person is being sarcastic, or just joking, or even angry, this is probably the only thing that I don’t particularly like about online chatting.

So I said: you have the right to think about me in a certain way, it does not necessarily mean I am actually like that though. And right now I don’t feel the urgency to convince you what kind of person I am, because eventually you will know, if you care to know at all.

That is the answer I was expecting, he quickly replied.

Surprising to me though, I almost felt he was wearing a winning smile behind the computer screen. For a second, I felt so vulnerable. Someone equally sensitive, sensible, childish, stubborn, yet faithful and deadly honest; someone you could see through and someone who sees through you; someone just like you.

I think we could be good friends, he added in a few seconds.

He reminds me of R, that not-supposed-to-be-mentioned name. Our first conversation ever made; last conversation never to be made. Every beautiful encounter; every disaster.

Oh I should have known he’s a Scorpio.
An actor, a child, a fighter, a traveler, with or without anyone, be happy be sad.
In his own world.

The question is, would you dare to knock at the door?
Or better yet, would you be able to jump into the pond without making yourself wet?

Stupid Things

Sometimes we wish for the better
When we have it good as it gets
Sometimes the grass isn't greener
Sometimes we find out we forget
Sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
Sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really don't mean it all

Sometimes a man
Just don't be a man
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain't always so strong
Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do

Oh so sorry, oh no, oh so sorry
Sometimes I wish I was smarter
Wish I was a bit more like you
Not making stupid decisions made at the last minute
You live to regret when it's through
Well, sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
And sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really didn't mean it all

Sometimes a man
Just don't be a man
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Can't always be strong

Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do
Sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
Sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really didn't mean it at all, at all

Sometimes a man
Just don't be a man
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain't always so strong

Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do

The Other Side

Every coin has two sides. Such an old saying, maybe too old. A cup of water stands on the table. Either you see it as half full, or half empty. But it is interesting to see how people still make use of it nowadays.

For politicians/business people, it is the so called “positive framing”. As much as our dear president claims how he would represent and “unite” all races, genders, religions, and political views, he will inevitably lean to the Democratic philosophy and system. But by framing himself as a leader to “unite” as opposed to “divide” or “compete”, he made a powerful presentation of what he could bring to this nation. Similarly, despite the fact that there will be overlaps and reduction from both sides, an acquisition will most likely frame itself to be a “strategic growth” opportunity, as opposed to a “consolidation” process. Does it change any real work being done or not to be done? No, but it sounds better, meaning, it sounds with less uncertainties, worries, concerns, and nervousness. It can make some people’s life a lot easier, though you still may end up leaving the place.

For personality psychologist, it means going one step further. “Trait” is not enough, you can tell after talking to total stranger for about 1 minute that he is open, friendly, easy-going, funny, etc. The next step is to bring the connection to another level by getting in touch with the “personal concerns”, what are his goals, values, what bring him here and what will lead his future. The third step is “identity”, of course. But the important thing is to know how to bridge the gap between the first two, how to leap from this side of a total stranger to the other side of a close friend. Here you have to ask the right questions, smart enough to please him, interesting enough to intrigue him, candid enough to relax him, and deep enough to inspire him. I’m sure you can come up with a few questions yourself.

For ordinary people like me who are slightly superstitious yet too busy to dig into anything too analytical or philosophical, remember one thing: people see what they want to see. Does looking at the other side of the coin change the fact that there are two sides of a coin? Absolutely no. Does looking at the other side of the coin change what are already there on both sides anyway? Absolutely no either. If you are a positive person, you will see the other side, easily, automatically, almost by default. You will see every adversity as an opportunity and try to make the best out of each and everyone of your mistakes. If you are a negative person, you are stuck with one side. Of course you have the choice simply to flip the coin over, but you will refuse to do so, and a lot of times, pretend that there is no such thing as the other side at all.

Ultimately, it is all about perception. The nature of the things and the fundamental facts will not change, just like every morning the sun will raise and the moon will go down, even sometimes you simply don’t see it because there are clouds. Perception is hard to change once established because it has a lot to do with personality. However if you are smart enough, you should know how to embrace what life has to offer you as a human being.

As for me, I tell myself this: there’re always two answers to a question: a happy one and an unhappy one. I choose the former.

Reinvention

New York has been raining for a long time. But for the first time, raining doesn't really bother me any more. In fact, I could hardly notice. Maybe even if I come across some really cute guy I wouldn't even notice either. My mind has been preoccupied with something else. I was invited (though just to fill an vacancy) to this 50 Outstanding Asian American Awards ceremony last night, and I was truly inspired by the dedication, the enthusiasm, the courage and determination those award winners have demonstrated. I talked to ambassadors, TV hostess, CEOs, non-profit presidents, I could finally smoothly introduce myself and talk about my responsibility and my firm, as if I have been in this industry for quite some time...and when I think about the connections I have built up and will continue to build upon, those are the things that could really get me going.

I read this blog article on WSJ today, "keep raising the bars in your career" in the career reinvention section. I guess if I am really bold, and loyal, and understanding/knowledgeable, smart and honest, I wouldn't be constrained by the fact that I am merely an analyst, at the bottom of the huge pyramid. I should be able to contribute more and to think about something bigger, just by being a true believer and a diligent connector.

Michael Chen, the CEO of GE's media, communications & entertainment, quoted the following from Mother Teresa in his keynote speech for the ceremony:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

~~I love the lines so much I have to put it down for my own records too.
People will probably not notice and they might never will.
Write anyway.

Recording History

It was probably the first time I felt really really excited about my job. For the past year that I have been working in the asset management industry, things have been going to shit. It was a great learning opportunity and because people are so nice and sharing, I really don't mind working hard. And when I tell people I enjoy what I do, I do really mean it. But aside from the few DD meetings that eventually led to new mandates, I wouldn't really describe my experience as particularly "exciting". I would rather use intense, nervous, or even scary to portray what I have seen and heard. So many unimaginable things happened, and happened so quickly. It is hard to think about tomorrow. It is good enough to think that I can survive today.

Of course I could now see the admiration and respect from people's eyes that are almost nowhere to find when I tell them I work at BlackRock one year ago. Yet this piece of news is going to not only reshape but totally shuffle the entire industry going forward.
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=az.1_LqREECQ


This is the first time in my professional life that I felt truly excited, it was the feeling of taking the ride of something really big, something that touches everyone's life, and something that have so much upside potential when you open your eyes tomorrow--something that could really wake you up early in the morning and go straight to work, energized and be prepared that there is something new for you to fight for. The tone of the market has been improving for the past couple of months. Not to say that I am getting optimistic, but it must be a signal to ourselves, and to everyone else, that maybe we have past the deepest darkness and could finally say good morning to the dawn.

When Andrew commented on the new business we are going to become, he used this phrase "category killer" for several times. Sometimes people would advocate you should spend more time to improve your weakness. I give credit to what there people are saying but more importantly I think we should strengthen what we are already good at. Either you move a part of you from bad to average, or you take a part of you from good to remarkable. If you are anyone like Larry Fink, you will probably choose the latter. It will take too much for anyone to even think about getting into an already well-established and well-divided industry. But if you can be very very good in one of the adjacent sectors, one day you will have the leverage to convince the other industry leader to join force. Maybe smart people are simply lazy, but smart people are ultimately smart. If you have become the category killer in your own sector yourself, the sheer reputation will lead you a long way already.

Why some people have be burn themselves inside out just to excel in everything? It's almost impossible anyway. You don't need to try that hard to prove to anyone you are this good in everything. You just need to be good at one thing or two.

But be very good.

The Best Thing

The best thing in the world is to be able to say I miss you when you feel like saying it, and knowing the other person is feeling exactly the same way.

Confirmed.

--I miss you.
--I know. I miss you too.

As simple as that. As happy as that. As beautiful as that.

In this big big world, and as a tiny little person...what else can you ask?

Identify

My books finally arrived. I have been so far away from “reading for leisure” for so long, but all of a sudden, I found peace and pleasure by immersing myself into the flip-through of words accumulated on actual papers (as opposed to sitting in front of a computer screen) outside of my long working hours, various social obligations and newly picked-up routine of walking around and photoshooting.

I started this book Snoop recently, which is a smart and creative psychological analysis of how things you own can tell people about yourself. I have always been interested in psychological stuff, because it is tricky, yet it is logical; it is irrational, yet it follows certain patterns, and I have always found that ridiculously intriguing.

The sentence that made me fall in love with this book is something like it has a level of organization best described as "somewhere in the room". I laughed out pretty hard. I like it when it’s not only knowledgeable, eventful, but also fun.

Now about identify, there is something called twenty statements test and twelve pictures display. Basically you are supposed to come up with 20 statements starting with “I am…” in X minutes; and alternatively, you can choose 12 pictures that best describe who you are. The average number of statements people come up with is 17.

I tested on myself immediately, and here is the list I come up with:

1. I am sweet.

2. I am Chinese

3. I am in NY

4. I am straightforward.

5. I am helpful to others.

6. I am a female.

7. I am 24.

8. I am Scorpio.

9. I am not afraid of challenges.

10. I am bad tempered.

11. I am big on sleep.

12. I am a quick leaner.

13. I am curious.

14. I am happy.

15. I am alone/single.

16. I am a hard-worker.

17. I am caring.

18. I am straight.

19. I am a Yale graduate.

20. I am going to die one day.

I remember when I was taking intro to psychology back at college, the professor told us that we tend to lose track of numbers as soon as it goes beyond three. For example, so how’s your girlfriend like? Someone will probably answer: oh she’s pretty, smart, nice…pretty…The professor’s point is normally we don’t care about things after 3. And that’s also the reason why the average estimation of the product of 8x7x6x5x4x3x2x1 is much larger than the one of 1x2x3x4x5x6x7x8 (when tested separately, of course).

So what does the result of the twenty statement test tell about myself then? Actually the book does not give a thorough analysis of this part, but I don’t think it’s that hard to draw some simple conclusions anyway. The fact that I filled out all the 20 statements within the limited time must have something to do with those self-analyses I did with myself previously. I have been curious, indeed, to find out who I really am and what is my true characters and what are the things that I am good at.

The first 17 points are pretty standard in my opinion though, which is a combination of both descriptions of demographical information as well as portraits of character. When looking back at the spreadsheet though, I realized I put Yale graduate as number 19 but not earlier on the list. I was a little bit surprised because I always thought I must be so proud of this association; however it is true that I was not thinking about Yale at all when I was filling out the list until the very end. It occurred to me that I was being honest when I commented that I do have friends from IVY schools, but I do have many other seemingly random friends that I actually identify a lot with. School definitely tells people something about your but far from everything, and I have always been against the idea that we can judge people simply by a name. That’s probably the reason why I am hesitant and to some extent reluctant to title myself with this particular identity until the very end.

Also, my reference to we are all going to die one day in my last statement also made me realize that I can finally see myself as a grown-up now. I did not put optimistic in any of the statements, it doesn’t mean I am a pessimist, but I think it would be fair to say that I am much more realistic and practical than before. As much as I say everything is going to be fine in the end, I was sometimes scared too. But I don’t panic, I will identify the misdoings and right the wrongs, though sometimes I simply have to admit that there is nothing I can do. But it’s ok. I am happy and strong, but I am not blind. I have seen so much, yet so little, but I am willing and always mentally prepared to see more.

There is a Chinese saying: let the storm come even harder. So what? I am not going to fight you but I will win anyway.

Because I want peace and happiness; I don’t care about winning at all.

So What?

In approximately 33 hours I will start my CFA level 1 exam. I am scared, but excited too (you can see how much I love this expression). I studied crazily for the past 1.5 weeks, well it's basically because I haven't been studying much at all. But I feel so good. I was reading the flashcards on Number 6 subways; I was watching video lectures when talking to my friends online; I got 3 days off work to cram for the exam to the extreme. The process reminds me of how I prepared for my TOFEL and SAT and ACT. Let's hope that the Chinese genes still work for me.

He said he's wondering if I wrote anything yesterday, I said no, I said everything has to wait until I'm done with my exam. Well I lied. I mean, I have this tendency to write things before something big, totally unrelated things, but maybe it's a way of letting out the pressure for me. I remembered how I used to write all those stuff before final exams back in high school, and how I secretly folded those papers and passed them along to that guy two seats in front of me.

I am looking at facebook again, and I realized I should update my activities and interests info. I randomly looked at another friend's page and I figured I could do something similar. CASA, Danceworks, AIESEC all seem slightly remote to me. I should change the info to Union Square, St. Marks, W4, Empire 25, Bleeker Street, or something like that.

Sometimes I feel life couldn't be better. I was ambitious, naive, childish and constantly depressed, to some extent maybe I still have those "qualities", but it seems I am generally happier. Sometimes I ask myself why, I guess I can give three simple answers.

1. Know what you want and enjoy it.
How do you know? Well you know, one way or another, it's just like when it's the right guy, you can feel the butterfly; when you are one step closer to what you want, you feel the excitement, from hair to toe. And I admit I am lucky enough to be in a position to enjoy it.

2. Compare with nobody but yourself.
There is always someone prettier, richer, smarter, and more capable. So what? When I look back, I realized I have come a long way, and I know I am constantly improving still. And that's enough for me.

3. Be yourself.
A relatively new friend asked me, what do you enjoy to do? I thought for 2 seconds and replied, sleep. He gave me a big laugh and then commented, well, not sophisticated enough. I smiled too and said, but it is deadly true! On second thought, I said, well I also enjoy walking around, especially in NY. And then I gave a good 5 minutes "lecture" on why I enjoy it and where are my favorite walking around places. He nodded and said haha this is a much better answer. I disagreed and said well both answers are true. Then subconsciously I asked myself why it seems I gave sleep (the obvious dull answer) in my first reply, and I realized it's because I never get enough sleep, but I do get some time walking around in the city on weekends, especially when the weather's good. So I told my friend what's on my mind, and he agreed and said then it made sense I value sleep that much.

Not sure the above is a good example, but I guess I do speak my mind. Forget what other people might think and just be yourself--happiness will then find you.

I glanced Seth's blog and it seems he's promoting his own MBA program, 6-month, free. Such a catch, I'll look into it a little bit more later.
Right, after I'm done with my CFA test.

And right, I need some luck, from you (blink)!

What Happened to the Moonlight?

I finally went back to Yale again last weekend for the 2009 commencement. It’s been exactly a year, everything’s still the same; everything’s so different. My fellow Piersonites reminded me of Toads, last change dance, Myrtle Beach, fencing club, Feb club, commencement ball, and etc. I was thrilled to discover K and S are coming to midtown NY to work too, and we were already discussing our lunch plans. Well, plan is always just a plan. I haven’t even officially scheduled one lunch with my former schoolmate in McKinsey right across the street yet. New York is so big; New York is so small.

"So today I will not insult you by calling you 'the best and the brightest' of your generation. Instead, I will call you 'darned smart and really good-looking,'" class day keynote speech, Christopher Buckley, Yale class of ’75, writer. I was a little bit disappointed initially, think about Tony Blair from last year, but soon I got totally fascinated by his humor and attitude. “Say cool lines”, he reminded us, and "Perhaps most amazing, most cool of all, America finally elected its first African American president. A Harvard man," Buckley said, with feigned disdain. "Okay. But remember -- it might not have happened if it hadn't been for a Yale man, George W. Bush."

Of course most importantly, he challenged the fundamental way of supposed-to-be profound philosophical thinking. According to him, “whatever!” is the ultimate answer to life’s most existential problems, and “it’s just brilliant and philosophically air-tight.” To be or not to be – whatever! The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – whatever! But whatever life holds in store for you, remember the words of that most quotable of American philosophers, Yogi Berra: “When I come to a fork in the road, I take it.” And finally…he said "Whatever else life holds in store for you, and may it hold every blessing and every happiness, there's one very cool line that you can already say: Yale, 2009 – whatever!”


I also went to the Whiffenpoofs concert that night, the same night they released their 100 anniversary CD “Century”. I ran into D in front of Woolsey Hall. I used to be amazed how he could be so popular back at school, now when he stepped up on the stage to join the current seniors with the Whiff’s alumni song New Hymn, I finally realized how incredibly confident he was. That air he wears, wins all. And I also got to listen to JP’s voice, for the very first time, so calm, deep, warm, and almost sacred. The moment when he first walked into my eyes back in my senior year flashed back again, I remembered how exactly he lifted one of his eyebrows, how he spoke with that perfect British accent, and how he smiled like a child.

Then I went up to the rooftop of that 14th floor dorm. It’s my first time ever to look down upon the Yale campus embraced in the charming darkness. Harkness tower was glowing with its usual green light as if it was floating in the mid-air; the clock on top of the Pierson College tower was still walking around with its usual steps; the energy plant next to the swing space was breathing hard into the midnight; and the cemetery around Law School was as quiet as usual with nothing to hide…E asked me, do you miss it here? I could barely look at him in the dark, and I replied, yes, yes I do.

How could anyone say a no?

A graduating senior once commented that “You come to Yale to be trapped here for four years with students who are as crazy as you are”. Right, maybe it was not so long ago that I was still uncomfortable with hugging someone when taking photos, I still remember how I danced almost one meter away from M at freshman screw, I had absolutely no idea that girls are supposed to wear bikini on the beach…but now, finally, I could look straight into your eyes, nod and smile. Being a human is as easy as that. I guess I finally realized how crazy I could be, or how stupid, or how weird, or how naïve, or how insanely normal or special. Maybe only then could we find comfort and peace within ourselves; then we may be honest with ourselves and the world.

When LL stood up, I said, your hair’s messed up, maybe you want to check it? He gently smiled and said quietly, who cares?
That was the one moment that I thought he was insanely beautiful.

“I am scared, but excited too.” I remember that line from Family Album USA. No matter how tired, how desperate, or how painful I was today, I will move on tomorrow. Isn’t it brilliant? We’re still young.

The moon was huge the other night, and a faraway friend suddenly called me up:
Hey, open the window now, and look up into the sky!

Oh my Lord, could it be more romantic?
What happened to the moonlight, and
Champagne, and roses, dear,
Is this any way to fall in love?

The Observer

Your facebook account was hacked, and it was a disaster. Your account started to mysteriously sending out messages to all of your friends with a fake facebook-looking webpage aimed at compromising more information. Then in the next hour or so, your Gmail account started to show your very own facebook inbox was flooded with inquiries such as “what is that?” “is your account hacked?” “Hey long time no see, what is it about?” from names that you may not even remember.

Don’t open the link, you murmured.

But sitting in the office building at Midtown East Manhattan in front of a huge computer screen, there is nothing else you could do. Facebook is blocked at work, obviously.

Things could only get worse though. This morning, I saw a degrading message from a close friend and bro whom I used to respect so much that I couldn’t believe my own eyes that this message just appeared on my wall posts. And the most devastating part was I don’t even know if this message was really sent by him. For someone I came to know for 3 years and who had constantly impressed me with his moral boundaries and mental strength, I would never imagine he could judge me like this, in public; and the most suspicious part of the comment is that, there is no way he could have understood what I wrote about shoes, because I did that in Chinese.

It must be a hacker, I tried to comfort myself. Whoever he might be, he’s obviously decently good with English but sucks at Chinese, with all that deliberate misunderstanding of my observations comparing shoes to relationships? Yet at the same time, I began to realize maybe some people may interpret my thoughts and ideas differently. So I asked some of my close friends what they actually think of that article. As expected, I got comments from both sides of the spectrum, but one of them pointed out it is surprising to see me care so much about how people judge me from my blog. As I have always said, this is my life, which has nothing to do with anyone else in the world.

Right, I know. I have been proud for long that I could “walk my own way and not to care much about what other people say”, and I believe only when we free ourselves from other people’s judgment could we make greater improvement and achievement. However I have to admit that I do care, like everyone else. But I care less about the fact that people judge (which is inevitable anyway), more about why. I recognize I can be a little weird and a lot of times I think differently from other people and I am very expressive on a lot of things, for good or for bad. For those who do not know me well, it is very easy to misunderstand my characters and behaviors. I also want to defense myself, simply because I think misunderstanding is unhealthy.

In this particular case, I really wouldn’t care if it is a random person. But it came from someone I respected so much. It struck me pretty hard so I had to take it seriously.

Maybe it’s not too bad a thing after all. We always have to step out of our own culture to truly realize what values we have embraced within. We also always have to step out of ourselves as human beings to truly identify the problems we have in order to grow. Actually this is the very reason I wanted to defend myself when someone thought that I have “treated the men as if they were trophies, or perhaps better expressed in my own words, "like shoes." This is one of the most detrimental comments anyone could ever possibly make about me. For anyone who could read my article slightly more carefully, he/she would have realized I am not talking about my personal experience, but simply making comparisons as an observer.

Believe it or not, I happen to have a very detail-oriented eye to see things slightly different, and many times more interesting, than other people. I have enjoyed putting down my observations in metaphors or in sarcastic ways, only because I know certain exaggeration is needed to make a louder voice, and I am sorry if that’s disturbing to you. I have also enjoyed illustrating abstract matters in concrete forms, analyzing my own emotions and decomposing factors of any reasons and results, right or wrong, simply because I believe when put into concrete languages, even obscure matters could be understood more effectively. It is also disappointing to me, my dear hacker friend, that you will not agree with this.

Maybe one day you will.

Everybody's free

I could hardly believe one year has passed since my own graduation.

I still clearly remember in the commencement speech, how Blair joked about how Yale seniors invited his daughter to our naked parties and how his daughter turned down that offer. I am nothing but so grateful to have been immersed in the liberal culture Yale has offered, and I am delighted to witness I have become a more flexible and accommodating person myself through the years. I am excited that I am heading back to Yale again (and finally again), to join the celebration of the class of 2009.

It's unbelievable how many amazing people I have come across and how much I have learned over the past year, though market has been as crazy as it could be.

A friend just told me my blog reminds him of Everybody's Free. I am deeply touched by the lyric, and I felt as if I were the one graduating again. And right, enjoy the power and beauty of youth, and please be amazed by how much possibility lie before you.

Life is beautiful, and the race is long. People, it's gonna be fun~~~

About Work

1. Success is actually a by-product, if you enjoy what you do, and you know this is what you want, you automatically put passion and efforts into it, and naturally you will become successful in due time.

2. Stay hungry stay foolish by Steve Jobs is a must read. It's all about reactions. You don't have to think you got cancer too to realize that...

3. Listen to the little voice in your heart. Even if it's a simple click of sending an email, not so different from finding a "perfect guy", it's all about decisions. Good judgment can be trained.

4. Bottom line of everything about work, your job is to make it easier for your boss to report to his/her boss...

5. Politics, is everywhere. Especially when it comes to Asia.

6. Remember to bring your name cards to any kind of social events, even though you are so convinced that people are not really just coming for networking.

7. There is no relationship between being a successful female and a nv qiang ren (workaholic? aggressive?). Think about Mary Dean, Jeannie Yi, etc.

8. Offer to help, especially to those who are senior and might seem to never need your help. Still offer.

9. Everything is going to be fine in the end. If it's not fine, it's not the end yet.

10. Don't complain. Feel free to use the F word especially after you just hang up the phone. But don't complain.

11. Be a thousand miles from over-promise and under-deliver.

12. Sometimes, it's more important to ask the right questions. As Seth wrote in one of his blogs on social websites:

Why people choose to visit online social sites:
Who likes me?
Is everything okay?
How can I become more popular?
What's new?
I'm bored, let's make some noise

None of these are new, but in the digital world, they're still magnetic. If you want to understand why Twitter is so hot, look at those five attributes. They deliver ALL FIVE, instantly.

Try To

1. Go to bed before midnight and get up by 7:30.

2. The answer is always a no unless it has to be a yes.

3. Smile when you hear a compliment, but don't take it seriously.

4. When you have to think too hard on what to say, maybe it's better just not to say anything.

5. Someone comes by and goes away, perfectly normal. Someone comes by and stays forever, precious! Do you really have to ask someone if he's into you, if he really cares? Isn't that so obvious already?

6. A previous rule was set on "no question on numbers". A new one is: never ever remind a guy that "we dated before".

7. Be a normal, healthy and happy person first. Everything else is later.

8. Emotional control, diet control.

9. Call more and message less.

On Relationship

These are the conclusions I summarized after listening to the guidance from my new relationship adviser (and maybe the only one): Mr. Big.And these are very very good advices.

1. Rule of thumb: Only get into a relationship when it makes you happy. If you start to feel sad, irritated, disturbed, paranoid or painful, you should may as well stop.

2. You have every right to be selfish in a relationship. Because bottom line, you need to love yourself and protect yourself.

3. A good relationship cannot be established just by your own effort. It demands devotion, effort, compromise from both sides.

4. If a man said he loves you, it means nothing other than the fact that he said it. If he always uses studies and career as excuses not to accompany you, it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you. It just means he doesn't love you enough. And it's OK.

5. If you know a relationship won't lead to marriage and he is not the "right" one, but you still like him in certain ways, you may still enjoy the time with him by committing maybe 50% of what you have originally planned to commit.

6. Don't always follow your instinct. Instinct doesn't lie, but you tend to misunderstand it, all the time.

7. Never get into a relationship because you need a relationship. Enjoy being single, because one day you will lose the opportunity of that, forever.

8. Relationship is all about timing. He might be the right one, but this is not the right time.

9. Sometimes you need to think about relationship in economic terms. You may want to devote and even sacrifice yourself now, if you know that he is the "right" one and you will gain good "payoff" in the future. In terms of PV, you're still making a profit. But if there is"no future", and there is no happiness but only sacrifice for you"now", why the hell are you still in this relationship?

10. There is not one Mr. Right pre-selected for you. There can be many Mr. Rights, or none at all, depending on how you view it. There is not even a situation of "perfect match". It can be perfect for a day, a week, a month, but never so for a life-time.

11. Even if you think Rule No. 9 is BS, and you still desparately believe in "Mr. Right". You should still refer to Rule No. 3, always. Because emotions can be a one-man show, relationship can never.

The 25

1. I do not have a wallet, because I will lost it whenever I have one.
2. I am BIGGGGGGGGGG on sleep.
3. Abs.
4. I have finally visited all 8 Ivy League colleges, Princeton is mylast one and I visited it just today,...so missing Yale and collegelife now~~~
5. I have pretty bad temper, especially to those close to me. Sorry. I know I owe you this word.

6. One sentence I keep saying to myself: everything is going to be fine in the end. If it is not fine, it is not the end yet.
7. I love my job, seriously. Though it has long hours and market has been crazy, but I love the people.
8. I began to write diaries since my 3rd grade, and I still keep blogsat several mysterious (well, not really that mysterious) locations.
9. If you are a guy and if I don't like you in that way, nothing works.If you are a guy and I happen to like you in that way (very rarethough), I guess you don't need to do anything.
10. I think most girls are pretty. I like most girls. And my tolerancefor girls is about 10 times of that for guys. And I really feel sadwhen my girl friends tell me about their exes...

11. Things that I used to hate but now love to eat: mushrooms, medium steak, lasagna.
12. Things that I say much too often than necessary: I had a crushon~~~~or that guy/girl looks really familiar~~~(haha, btw, my mostrecent crush is Justin Long, and right, you should go watch He's justnot that into you too!)
13. I guess I have turned from a little bit too serious person to a funperson. I have to because otherwise I will bore myself to death. I amnaturally attracted to people who are unique in certain ways. Iidentify with those who are also fun and cool by character; kind andbrave by nature.
14. I am very bad at directions.
15. Sometimes I will confuse my dream and my real life. There were afew times that during the day I suddenly realized oh, actually it onlyhappened in my dreams.

16. They call me sister.
17. I love to dance. I love to watch other people dance. I love ABDC.
18. I want to go to Europe, and Latin America, Hawaii, Japan again, and maybe Africa!...someday...
19. 19 is my favorite number, coz it is my birthday date.
20. A lot of things I thought I would never forget, are alreadyforgotten. A lot of things I thought I wouldn't even remember, areactually carved in my heart. I used to try too hard sometimes. Now I dogive up, if I know I should.

21. 5 days before I turned 21, hum, something very important happened to me.
22. I never watch scary movies. Too scarrrrry~~~
23. Smile. Right, I always smile. I guess I have to. Because when I don't, I look really sad.
24. I miss the pineapple favor sundae from McDonalds in China! We don't have it in the US!
25. I may not say it often, but I miss you a lot. And I love you, and Iowe everything I have and going to have to you, Mom and Dad.

Make Face Time

Power Down. Log off. Unplug.
Have Mercy on your thumbs.
Browse the world wide something else.
Send some not-so-instant messages.
Undo. Hit cancel. Be together.
Make face time.

The subway in New York is old, worn out, dirty and sometimes sketchy.
But once in a while, you see some great advertisement lines.
They subtly lighten your world, and warm your heart, and suddenly you will feel:
It is not too bad a place to be at...and to make it better,
When you have someone's shoulder to rest your head.

I have too many friends on facebook, and there are new requests every day.
People thought it means I am popular, but it was almost a joke to me.
Why someone thinks he/she's friend with me simply by clicking the button.
Do you know me? Have we met? Or was it yesterday that we just met?
But when you wake up the next day, do you even remember my name?

Talk to me, not just saying how's it going? not just answering good.
Yes call me when someone broke your heart, or you had another crush.
Or you have a party to go to but don't know what to wear.
Or you don't know what to do, with him, or her, or with yourself.
Tell me what is really going on, tell me if you miss me.

And when you say let's hang out, please come hang out.
When you say let's hang out more, please show up more.

New York is so big, busy and exiting, yet sometimes, lonely as hell.
That's why I want to be there for you, my dear friends.
And that's why I want to make sure, you are having fun, with me.
This winter is going to be long, and cold. But you know that
I am always, just a phone call away.

And when you say let's meet up...let's do it for real.
And when we do, I want to give you a big smile and a big hug.

Make face time. Not just on facebook.

On Waiting

My Dear Booksender,

I felt embarrassed not being able to finish the book before you got back. I want to make it up so I started reading it last night. It was an excellent read, and I couldn't put it down once I immersed myself into the lines. I guess I wouldn't go so far to hand-write you a 5 or 6 pages report as Manna did for Commissar Wei, because then you might simply hate my handwriting, haha. But I do want to share some of my thoughts on the overall content of the book and some understandings of the main characters. I thought about exchanging them to you face-to-face, but I figured putting it down is the more organized wayto go. In any case, I hope it's not too boring to read my writings.

This is an overwhelmingly subtle and truthful book. I am impressed by how detail oriented and natural the author was, and how much reality the stories held. Born in early 1980s and educated under the communist regime, with both of my parents gone through the rigorous years of Cultural Revolution, personally I resonate greatly with several parts of the book. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful book as a present. Some times I feel torn apart between oriental tradition andwestern culture, and this book reconnects me with my not-so-ancient yet somewhat-remote past.

Actually I told my mom the general plot of this book and my momsaid it greatly resembles another Chinese movie/book called "General's daughter". The plots are very similar except that their Lin and Manna never really exposed their feelings toward each other and that Lin never asked for a divorce. That Manna even also had twins.

It is amazing that you could actually understand and appreciate this book, for I feel some part of the book can only be thoroughly understood by someone raised up in China. It could be easy for someone foreign to the Chinese generation 30, 40 years ago to get lost among all the old songs about Communism and Chairman Mao, all the old traditions about bounding feet, listening to parent orders, and views on virgins, and especially all the conventional sayings like "ducks and drakes" or "hire the devil to grind grain". I would have no clue what they might mean if I have never learned Chinese. :)

I feel especially related to this book because the whole story took place in Northeast of China. Manchuria and Shenyang (my hometown) was mentioned several times. Thanks for choosing this book for me, again :). I am also amused by the episodes of bicycle riding (I learned to swim and skate very early in life but only started learning bicycle riding in 5th grade, but it's a typical scene back in China, and it makes methink about my childhood, so it's quite sweet), shrimp eating, and those gossiping tongues and local scenes in the countryside (my dad's family was originally from the countryside).

Nice that I have also learned some new words in English like "skipping ropes" and "kicking shuttlecocks". It's pretty much a direct translation from their Chinese counterparts. I used to love both activities when I was a little girl, but I haven't been using those words for so long. I also deeply resonate with the old wisdom of "ap retty face fades in a couple of years. It's personality that lasts".Actually I used to put this line on my blog: A charming personality and well-shaped thoughts, are always more important than a beautiful face. Quite the same thought, isn't it?

Yet the most amusing part of the read is the interesting anecdote of how Bensheng sewed up pigs' butt-holes to make them worth more. I've heard similar stories but I still couldn't stop laughing…I guess this was the only part of the book that made me seriously laugh.

Hope that you are not extremely bored so far, because I haven't covered the main characters yet! The amazing part is that they are really typical. I know I shouldn't stereotype but I can't help it, because it is so accurate. I can easily find their shadows in many people whom I have encountered or familiar with.

Mai Dong, typical Shanghai guy. He basically only appeared in the beginning of the book and only mentioned in the last part with his loveletters, but I am impressed by how Ha Jin portrayed him exactly to the point: audacious yet vulnerable, like a small boy, and always complains. (Honestly I have dated one Shanghai guy before, no offence and nothing personal, but then I decided to stay away from them…haha)

Manna Wu, yeah she thinks too much, just like many other girls. When young, she's curious, bold, fun, yet easy to get worried; when older, she's more tempered, more demanding and possessive, yet easy to turn regretful. The most attractive part about her, though, is when she was telling the angel story. If I were a guy, I would easily fall for her at that moment, but I doubt if it would turn into long-lasting love. Yet overall, with or without marriage, she is unhappy, just like many Chinese women. "Probably she loves me too much", Lin once thought. I think he's right. Loving too much is not love anymore, it's more of control over man, it's more about exerting powers to change the man according to her own will.

A lot of Chinese women, even nowadays, are still obsessed with changing their men, they hardly ever succeed and this endeavor usually makes them more jealous and gloomy. Yet interestingly, the more they want to control the more they are dependent on men. I figured that the most distinguishing character between Easter and Western women is the degree of independence. Novels about China may have a girl leaving her family but hardly would she go as far to leave her man (Like Nora did in A Doll's House).

Lin Kong, gentleman-like, knowledgeable and amicable on the outside, yet lack of passion and will on the inside. I feel he is aparticularly pathetic character, because he has constantly struggled between his pursuit of a "good man" and a "normal man". He always has mixed feelings, don't know what Manna wants, or Shuyu wants, or himself want. It is sad that towards the end he figured that no love ever existed in his entire life, he can be indifferent about leaving Manna, and had little emotions toward his babies, (at first at least).

Yet this is again so typical among Chinese men, we call that Zhong Yong (the doctrine of the mean). He would always choose an easy way out, and not to express too much attitude or opinion. When Manna challenged him that no decent husband would do such a thing to his wife when he taught classes to those pretty young orderlies, he said "well, I've never thought of that." I was honestly stunned by the accuracy of the writer! Yes he never thought about that, I guess it's just hard truth that men could never be as considerate as women want them to be. They won't change and they don't care. Lol.

Shuyu Liu (we didn't know her last name until midway through,right?), typical countryside woman, incredibly caring, responsible, down-to-earth, willing to make tons of sacrifices, and gorgeously simple-hearted. I feel sorry for her yet I respect her a lot. She is the living icon of the rigid doctrine on women, yet she is peaceful, grief but peaceful. Sometimes it makes me painful to see how good-looking she can be with a haircut, and how joyful she can be in the end with the expectation of Lin rejoining them. Though Ha Jin never depicted much about the story from her point of view throughout the novel except for some "all right" and weeping, it is not hard to imagine how much she had silently suffered and endured all those times alone, and how much expectations she might have had for those 18 years for just one night together with her man again.

Geng Yang, strikingly straightforward and carefree, and he is an especially interesting figure to me because he represents the trend of "successful" man in China nowadays. Decisive in action, concise inwords, can be dirty sometimes, usually have unpublicized affairs with multiple women, but normally always get what he wants. I hate this kind of men. I know this type in real life, and I wouldn't surrender to their power, but I know I can't go against them either. Sad and unfair, isn't it? Nevertheless, the novel surprised me to some degree when he actually raped Manna, because he seemed pretty wise when he gave Lin those advices and said "your problem originates in your own character, and you must first change yourself".

Yet I think the story has a warm and sweet ending. I wouldn't call it sad, for these plots are not strange or particularly unbearable to me. I've seen them before, experienced some myself, and to some extent, still seeing them now. Lin was upset and touched by Hua's "we'll alwayswait for you". I'm more touched than upset, because I know that this is what life is supposed to be. Those drama and those waiting, no matter how sad, are just part of life, same as happiness and fortune.
Some final thoughts and quotes:I've been thinking about what marriage and love is, well, I have thought about this for a long time and I've asked different opinions from different people. By no means to push my own ideas, I just want to quote a few lines from the novel.

On Love: "many men break rules for the women they loved, and somedid not regret having done that even when they were punished."—is this a test of love though? Naive thinking. To what degree a man can do is more about his character than about love. I've had someone crying forever or threatening of committing suicide when I tried to break up, but deep down I know he didn't love me that much at all. He is a coward and only acted like that because he was afraid of a "sunk cost".
On Marriage: "just as many couples who had gotten married without knowing each other before became perfect husbands and wives later on",a nd "A good marriage as full of moments of cats and dogs". These are all traditional Chinese wisdoms on marriage that every Chinese knows. Actually I am more interested in knowing your view on this.

On Marriage again "The closer we are to getting married, the less attached I feel to her." I don't know about this honestly, never really close to that stage. But if you have seen Sex and the City (I know you haven't though) and Big's response to marriage, maybe you'll get afeel. Chinese mothers are worried about their daughters when they reach 23, 24 and still single. That's my mom's problem too. People always say when you meet the right one you'll want to get settled. But how exactly do you know he/she's right one? Is this really a personal decision? Is this about love? Or about an exchange of some sort…lol, am I being typical and thinking too much now? I should stop then.

Finally, just want to throw a few words on fate vs. personal struggle, or oriental vs. western views on life. I read a Turkish novel "The Flea Palace" last semester and there are several interesting episodes on the clashes of cultures. A lot of times I feel I am an independent individual, and I believe I deserve what I want as long as I try hard enough; yet occasionally I still fall to the old circle of fate…Do westerners normally believe in fate, at all?

I believe I have bored you enough now. Again, I really enjoyed reading the book and I will be grateful if you could recommend more to me, of any theme and content.

Thank you and I look forward to seeing you again soon.

Warmly,
Yezi