The Cube

Imagine a room.
What’s the color of the wall?

Now imagine a cube.
How big is the cube?
Is it solid or transparent?
Where is it in the room, floating in the air or sitting on the ground?

Imagine a ladder.
Where is the ladder?
Is it a long one or a short one?

Imagine some flowers.
Where are the flowers?
How many are there?
Are they of the same type or not?

Now a horse (or some type of animal for guys)
What are the characteristics you’d like to describe him/her?
What is the animal doing in the room?

Finally imagine a storm.
Is it outside of the room or inside of the room?
Does it mess things up in the room?

Done!

If you, too, want to know a total stranger in 5 minutes for things he might not even know about himself. Try the cube.

You are then more than welcome to consult me about how to interpret the answers, lol.

The PV of Future Happiness

Can you wait? He asked me.

Yes I can. I sighed, but I’d rather have it right here and now.

If you are locked in a room with a beautiful lady for an hour, and you can choose to kiss her in the first minute or the last minute of the hour, which one will you choose?

The majority would prefer the first minute. No surprise.

1 Dollar values more today and less tomorrow, the future cashflow will have to be discounted to get the present value. It’s not about finance, even; it’s human nature.

Someone may argue that the anticipation built up through waiting will make the final realization much more favorable and satisfactory. Not necessarily.

Why? Because we are ultimately helpless and vulnerable.

We are so afraid that bad things will happen in the future so let’s don’t worry about it until it actually happens. Let’s be happy today if we can be happy at all. Let’s over-spent, let’s abuse our relationships, let’s get wasted, let’s for once not to worry about consequences and set ourselves free.

We don’t care about future not because we don’t want to but we cannot, so we initiate some sort of self-protection mechanism.

Some people call this risk-aversive. If you start to secretly calculate the PV of almost everything (including future happiness), and automatically reject anything that has a negative NPV, you know that finally, you have become just like everybody else.

I don’t like that idea.

I wish I could be brave enough to face my future problems as of today; and strong enough to be patient with the blossoms in my life.

But right now, still, I wish you were here with me.

Compliment

I am gonna give you a huge compliment.

I really like the taste.

The conversation with a Scorpio

After an hour of debate on some plausible explanations backing up the idea of horoscope and slightly defending myself against stereotyping, I decided to “give up”. Sometimes, it’s hard to identify whether a person is being sarcastic, or just joking, or even angry, this is probably the only thing that I don’t particularly like about online chatting.

So I said: you have the right to think about me in a certain way, it does not necessarily mean I am actually like that though. And right now I don’t feel the urgency to convince you what kind of person I am, because eventually you will know, if you care to know at all.

That is the answer I was expecting, he quickly replied.

Surprising to me though, I almost felt he was wearing a winning smile behind the computer screen. For a second, I felt so vulnerable. Someone equally sensitive, sensible, childish, stubborn, yet faithful and deadly honest; someone you could see through and someone who sees through you; someone just like you.

I think we could be good friends, he added in a few seconds.

He reminds me of R, that not-supposed-to-be-mentioned name. Our first conversation ever made; last conversation never to be made. Every beautiful encounter; every disaster.

Oh I should have known he’s a Scorpio.
An actor, a child, a fighter, a traveler, with or without anyone, be happy be sad.
In his own world.

The question is, would you dare to knock at the door?
Or better yet, would you be able to jump into the pond without making yourself wet?

Stupid Things

Sometimes we wish for the better
When we have it good as it gets
Sometimes the grass isn't greener
Sometimes we find out we forget
Sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
Sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really don't mean it all

Sometimes a man
Just don't be a man
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain't always so strong
Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do

Oh so sorry, oh no, oh so sorry
Sometimes I wish I was smarter
Wish I was a bit more like you
Not making stupid decisions made at the last minute
You live to regret when it's through
Well, sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
And sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really didn't mean it all

Sometimes a man
Just don't be a man
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Can't always be strong

Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do
Sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
Sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really didn't mean it at all, at all

Sometimes a man
Just don't be a man
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain't always so strong

Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do

The Other Side

Every coin has two sides. Such an old saying, maybe too old. A cup of water stands on the table. Either you see it as half full, or half empty. But it is interesting to see how people still make use of it nowadays.

For politicians/business people, it is the so called “positive framing”. As much as our dear president claims how he would represent and “unite” all races, genders, religions, and political views, he will inevitably lean to the Democratic philosophy and system. But by framing himself as a leader to “unite” as opposed to “divide” or “compete”, he made a powerful presentation of what he could bring to this nation. Similarly, despite the fact that there will be overlaps and reduction from both sides, an acquisition will most likely frame itself to be a “strategic growth” opportunity, as opposed to a “consolidation” process. Does it change any real work being done or not to be done? No, but it sounds better, meaning, it sounds with less uncertainties, worries, concerns, and nervousness. It can make some people’s life a lot easier, though you still may end up leaving the place.

For personality psychologist, it means going one step further. “Trait” is not enough, you can tell after talking to total stranger for about 1 minute that he is open, friendly, easy-going, funny, etc. The next step is to bring the connection to another level by getting in touch with the “personal concerns”, what are his goals, values, what bring him here and what will lead his future. The third step is “identity”, of course. But the important thing is to know how to bridge the gap between the first two, how to leap from this side of a total stranger to the other side of a close friend. Here you have to ask the right questions, smart enough to please him, interesting enough to intrigue him, candid enough to relax him, and deep enough to inspire him. I’m sure you can come up with a few questions yourself.

For ordinary people like me who are slightly superstitious yet too busy to dig into anything too analytical or philosophical, remember one thing: people see what they want to see. Does looking at the other side of the coin change the fact that there are two sides of a coin? Absolutely no. Does looking at the other side of the coin change what are already there on both sides anyway? Absolutely no either. If you are a positive person, you will see the other side, easily, automatically, almost by default. You will see every adversity as an opportunity and try to make the best out of each and everyone of your mistakes. If you are a negative person, you are stuck with one side. Of course you have the choice simply to flip the coin over, but you will refuse to do so, and a lot of times, pretend that there is no such thing as the other side at all.

Ultimately, it is all about perception. The nature of the things and the fundamental facts will not change, just like every morning the sun will raise and the moon will go down, even sometimes you simply don’t see it because there are clouds. Perception is hard to change once established because it has a lot to do with personality. However if you are smart enough, you should know how to embrace what life has to offer you as a human being.

As for me, I tell myself this: there’re always two answers to a question: a happy one and an unhappy one. I choose the former.

Reinvention

New York has been raining for a long time. But for the first time, raining doesn't really bother me any more. In fact, I could hardly notice. Maybe even if I come across some really cute guy I wouldn't even notice either. My mind has been preoccupied with something else. I was invited (though just to fill an vacancy) to this 50 Outstanding Asian American Awards ceremony last night, and I was truly inspired by the dedication, the enthusiasm, the courage and determination those award winners have demonstrated. I talked to ambassadors, TV hostess, CEOs, non-profit presidents, I could finally smoothly introduce myself and talk about my responsibility and my firm, as if I have been in this industry for quite some time...and when I think about the connections I have built up and will continue to build upon, those are the things that could really get me going.

I read this blog article on WSJ today, "keep raising the bars in your career" in the career reinvention section. I guess if I am really bold, and loyal, and understanding/knowledgeable, smart and honest, I wouldn't be constrained by the fact that I am merely an analyst, at the bottom of the huge pyramid. I should be able to contribute more and to think about something bigger, just by being a true believer and a diligent connector.

Michael Chen, the CEO of GE's media, communications & entertainment, quoted the following from Mother Teresa in his keynote speech for the ceremony:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

~~I love the lines so much I have to put it down for my own records too.
People will probably not notice and they might never will.
Write anyway.

Recording History

It was probably the first time I felt really really excited about my job. For the past year that I have been working in the asset management industry, things have been going to shit. It was a great learning opportunity and because people are so nice and sharing, I really don't mind working hard. And when I tell people I enjoy what I do, I do really mean it. But aside from the few DD meetings that eventually led to new mandates, I wouldn't really describe my experience as particularly "exciting". I would rather use intense, nervous, or even scary to portray what I have seen and heard. So many unimaginable things happened, and happened so quickly. It is hard to think about tomorrow. It is good enough to think that I can survive today.

Of course I could now see the admiration and respect from people's eyes that are almost nowhere to find when I tell them I work at BlackRock one year ago. Yet this piece of news is going to not only reshape but totally shuffle the entire industry going forward.
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=az.1_LqREECQ


This is the first time in my professional life that I felt truly excited, it was the feeling of taking the ride of something really big, something that touches everyone's life, and something that have so much upside potential when you open your eyes tomorrow--something that could really wake you up early in the morning and go straight to work, energized and be prepared that there is something new for you to fight for. The tone of the market has been improving for the past couple of months. Not to say that I am getting optimistic, but it must be a signal to ourselves, and to everyone else, that maybe we have past the deepest darkness and could finally say good morning to the dawn.

When Andrew commented on the new business we are going to become, he used this phrase "category killer" for several times. Sometimes people would advocate you should spend more time to improve your weakness. I give credit to what there people are saying but more importantly I think we should strengthen what we are already good at. Either you move a part of you from bad to average, or you take a part of you from good to remarkable. If you are anyone like Larry Fink, you will probably choose the latter. It will take too much for anyone to even think about getting into an already well-established and well-divided industry. But if you can be very very good in one of the adjacent sectors, one day you will have the leverage to convince the other industry leader to join force. Maybe smart people are simply lazy, but smart people are ultimately smart. If you have become the category killer in your own sector yourself, the sheer reputation will lead you a long way already.

Why some people have be burn themselves inside out just to excel in everything? It's almost impossible anyway. You don't need to try that hard to prove to anyone you are this good in everything. You just need to be good at one thing or two.

But be very good.

The Best Thing

The best thing in the world is to be able to say I miss you when you feel like saying it, and knowing the other person is feeling exactly the same way.

Confirmed.

--I miss you.
--I know. I miss you too.

As simple as that. As happy as that. As beautiful as that.

In this big big world, and as a tiny little person...what else can you ask?

Identify

My books finally arrived. I have been so far away from “reading for leisure” for so long, but all of a sudden, I found peace and pleasure by immersing myself into the flip-through of words accumulated on actual papers (as opposed to sitting in front of a computer screen) outside of my long working hours, various social obligations and newly picked-up routine of walking around and photoshooting.

I started this book Snoop recently, which is a smart and creative psychological analysis of how things you own can tell people about yourself. I have always been interested in psychological stuff, because it is tricky, yet it is logical; it is irrational, yet it follows certain patterns, and I have always found that ridiculously intriguing.

The sentence that made me fall in love with this book is something like it has a level of organization best described as "somewhere in the room". I laughed out pretty hard. I like it when it’s not only knowledgeable, eventful, but also fun.

Now about identify, there is something called twenty statements test and twelve pictures display. Basically you are supposed to come up with 20 statements starting with “I am…” in X minutes; and alternatively, you can choose 12 pictures that best describe who you are. The average number of statements people come up with is 17.

I tested on myself immediately, and here is the list I come up with:

1. I am sweet.

2. I am Chinese

3. I am in NY

4. I am straightforward.

5. I am helpful to others.

6. I am a female.

7. I am 24.

8. I am Scorpio.

9. I am not afraid of challenges.

10. I am bad tempered.

11. I am big on sleep.

12. I am a quick leaner.

13. I am curious.

14. I am happy.

15. I am alone/single.

16. I am a hard-worker.

17. I am caring.

18. I am straight.

19. I am a Yale graduate.

20. I am going to die one day.

I remember when I was taking intro to psychology back at college, the professor told us that we tend to lose track of numbers as soon as it goes beyond three. For example, so how’s your girlfriend like? Someone will probably answer: oh she’s pretty, smart, nice…pretty…The professor’s point is normally we don’t care about things after 3. And that’s also the reason why the average estimation of the product of 8x7x6x5x4x3x2x1 is much larger than the one of 1x2x3x4x5x6x7x8 (when tested separately, of course).

So what does the result of the twenty statement test tell about myself then? Actually the book does not give a thorough analysis of this part, but I don’t think it’s that hard to draw some simple conclusions anyway. The fact that I filled out all the 20 statements within the limited time must have something to do with those self-analyses I did with myself previously. I have been curious, indeed, to find out who I really am and what is my true characters and what are the things that I am good at.

The first 17 points are pretty standard in my opinion though, which is a combination of both descriptions of demographical information as well as portraits of character. When looking back at the spreadsheet though, I realized I put Yale graduate as number 19 but not earlier on the list. I was a little bit surprised because I always thought I must be so proud of this association; however it is true that I was not thinking about Yale at all when I was filling out the list until the very end. It occurred to me that I was being honest when I commented that I do have friends from IVY schools, but I do have many other seemingly random friends that I actually identify a lot with. School definitely tells people something about your but far from everything, and I have always been against the idea that we can judge people simply by a name. That’s probably the reason why I am hesitant and to some extent reluctant to title myself with this particular identity until the very end.

Also, my reference to we are all going to die one day in my last statement also made me realize that I can finally see myself as a grown-up now. I did not put optimistic in any of the statements, it doesn’t mean I am a pessimist, but I think it would be fair to say that I am much more realistic and practical than before. As much as I say everything is going to be fine in the end, I was sometimes scared too. But I don’t panic, I will identify the misdoings and right the wrongs, though sometimes I simply have to admit that there is nothing I can do. But it’s ok. I am happy and strong, but I am not blind. I have seen so much, yet so little, but I am willing and always mentally prepared to see more.

There is a Chinese saying: let the storm come even harder. So what? I am not going to fight you but I will win anyway.

Because I want peace and happiness; I don’t care about winning at all.

So What?

In approximately 33 hours I will start my CFA level 1 exam. I am scared, but excited too (you can see how much I love this expression). I studied crazily for the past 1.5 weeks, well it's basically because I haven't been studying much at all. But I feel so good. I was reading the flashcards on Number 6 subways; I was watching video lectures when talking to my friends online; I got 3 days off work to cram for the exam to the extreme. The process reminds me of how I prepared for my TOFEL and SAT and ACT. Let's hope that the Chinese genes still work for me.

He said he's wondering if I wrote anything yesterday, I said no, I said everything has to wait until I'm done with my exam. Well I lied. I mean, I have this tendency to write things before something big, totally unrelated things, but maybe it's a way of letting out the pressure for me. I remembered how I used to write all those stuff before final exams back in high school, and how I secretly folded those papers and passed them along to that guy two seats in front of me.

I am looking at facebook again, and I realized I should update my activities and interests info. I randomly looked at another friend's page and I figured I could do something similar. CASA, Danceworks, AIESEC all seem slightly remote to me. I should change the info to Union Square, St. Marks, W4, Empire 25, Bleeker Street, or something like that.

Sometimes I feel life couldn't be better. I was ambitious, naive, childish and constantly depressed, to some extent maybe I still have those "qualities", but it seems I am generally happier. Sometimes I ask myself why, I guess I can give three simple answers.

1. Know what you want and enjoy it.
How do you know? Well you know, one way or another, it's just like when it's the right guy, you can feel the butterfly; when you are one step closer to what you want, you feel the excitement, from hair to toe. And I admit I am lucky enough to be in a position to enjoy it.

2. Compare with nobody but yourself.
There is always someone prettier, richer, smarter, and more capable. So what? When I look back, I realized I have come a long way, and I know I am constantly improving still. And that's enough for me.

3. Be yourself.
A relatively new friend asked me, what do you enjoy to do? I thought for 2 seconds and replied, sleep. He gave me a big laugh and then commented, well, not sophisticated enough. I smiled too and said, but it is deadly true! On second thought, I said, well I also enjoy walking around, especially in NY. And then I gave a good 5 minutes "lecture" on why I enjoy it and where are my favorite walking around places. He nodded and said haha this is a much better answer. I disagreed and said well both answers are true. Then subconsciously I asked myself why it seems I gave sleep (the obvious dull answer) in my first reply, and I realized it's because I never get enough sleep, but I do get some time walking around in the city on weekends, especially when the weather's good. So I told my friend what's on my mind, and he agreed and said then it made sense I value sleep that much.

Not sure the above is a good example, but I guess I do speak my mind. Forget what other people might think and just be yourself--happiness will then find you.

I glanced Seth's blog and it seems he's promoting his own MBA program, 6-month, free. Such a catch, I'll look into it a little bit more later.
Right, after I'm done with my CFA test.

And right, I need some luck, from you (blink)!