Identify

My books finally arrived. I have been so far away from “reading for leisure” for so long, but all of a sudden, I found peace and pleasure by immersing myself into the flip-through of words accumulated on actual papers (as opposed to sitting in front of a computer screen) outside of my long working hours, various social obligations and newly picked-up routine of walking around and photoshooting.

I started this book Snoop recently, which is a smart and creative psychological analysis of how things you own can tell people about yourself. I have always been interested in psychological stuff, because it is tricky, yet it is logical; it is irrational, yet it follows certain patterns, and I have always found that ridiculously intriguing.

The sentence that made me fall in love with this book is something like it has a level of organization best described as "somewhere in the room". I laughed out pretty hard. I like it when it’s not only knowledgeable, eventful, but also fun.

Now about identify, there is something called twenty statements test and twelve pictures display. Basically you are supposed to come up with 20 statements starting with “I am…” in X minutes; and alternatively, you can choose 12 pictures that best describe who you are. The average number of statements people come up with is 17.

I tested on myself immediately, and here is the list I come up with:

1. I am sweet.

2. I am Chinese

3. I am in NY

4. I am straightforward.

5. I am helpful to others.

6. I am a female.

7. I am 24.

8. I am Scorpio.

9. I am not afraid of challenges.

10. I am bad tempered.

11. I am big on sleep.

12. I am a quick leaner.

13. I am curious.

14. I am happy.

15. I am alone/single.

16. I am a hard-worker.

17. I am caring.

18. I am straight.

19. I am a Yale graduate.

20. I am going to die one day.

I remember when I was taking intro to psychology back at college, the professor told us that we tend to lose track of numbers as soon as it goes beyond three. For example, so how’s your girlfriend like? Someone will probably answer: oh she’s pretty, smart, nice…pretty…The professor’s point is normally we don’t care about things after 3. And that’s also the reason why the average estimation of the product of 8x7x6x5x4x3x2x1 is much larger than the one of 1x2x3x4x5x6x7x8 (when tested separately, of course).

So what does the result of the twenty statement test tell about myself then? Actually the book does not give a thorough analysis of this part, but I don’t think it’s that hard to draw some simple conclusions anyway. The fact that I filled out all the 20 statements within the limited time must have something to do with those self-analyses I did with myself previously. I have been curious, indeed, to find out who I really am and what is my true characters and what are the things that I am good at.

The first 17 points are pretty standard in my opinion though, which is a combination of both descriptions of demographical information as well as portraits of character. When looking back at the spreadsheet though, I realized I put Yale graduate as number 19 but not earlier on the list. I was a little bit surprised because I always thought I must be so proud of this association; however it is true that I was not thinking about Yale at all when I was filling out the list until the very end. It occurred to me that I was being honest when I commented that I do have friends from IVY schools, but I do have many other seemingly random friends that I actually identify a lot with. School definitely tells people something about your but far from everything, and I have always been against the idea that we can judge people simply by a name. That’s probably the reason why I am hesitant and to some extent reluctant to title myself with this particular identity until the very end.

Also, my reference to we are all going to die one day in my last statement also made me realize that I can finally see myself as a grown-up now. I did not put optimistic in any of the statements, it doesn’t mean I am a pessimist, but I think it would be fair to say that I am much more realistic and practical than before. As much as I say everything is going to be fine in the end, I was sometimes scared too. But I don’t panic, I will identify the misdoings and right the wrongs, though sometimes I simply have to admit that there is nothing I can do. But it’s ok. I am happy and strong, but I am not blind. I have seen so much, yet so little, but I am willing and always mentally prepared to see more.

There is a Chinese saying: let the storm come even harder. So what? I am not going to fight you but I will win anyway.

Because I want peace and happiness; I don’t care about winning at all.