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An Advice A Day
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I will keep writing on blogspot with same content for the time being.

Thank you.
Deniseyezi

What can you learn from the Celebrity Apprentice?

I like watching the Apprentice because the show pushes you to think what would you say or do when you were put in a similar challenging position. By getting celebrities on the show, it just gives you a better reason to watch it and makes the show more entertaining.

In the latest episode, the challenge is to do fundraising by creating a whole-day work-out routine for 24-hour Fitness. The more favorable routine will be honored $24,000 by the gym, and whichever team raise the most money will win the challenge. The difficult part is that you have to have one person physically coming in for the training class to represent each donation.

Somewhat surprisingly, though Tenacity was the bigger fund raiser, Rock Solid was favored by the gym. What would you walk away with this experience then? Let’s focus on the gym routine.

1. Have a good theme
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please continue reading by visiting my new blog at http://anadviceaday.wordpress.com/2010/04/27/what-can-you-learn-from-the-celebrity-apprentice/

How NOT to make the same mistake in a night club or at a conference.

I’m sure you’ve been through this before. You walk into the night club with one of your girlfriends, and then 10 minutes later she started talking to this really cute guy and basically you’re left alone for the rest of the night.

I bet you don’t want to put your girlfriend in the same situation. But there is a spark with that guy, and you really want to talk to him and dance with him. So now what?

You SHOULD talk to the guy and dance, for sure, but not too much. The important thing is to raise that interest and curiosity and then leave with him wanting more. Go back to your girlfriend and enjoy the rest of the night. If he is into you, you will get a message in due time. If he doesn’t contact you or you don’t even bother to leave your contact, then I would be really surprised you were hesitating getting back to your girlfriend in the first place.

Now think about a conference you just attended. After a really good panel discussion, you so want to talk to this panelist who is so bright, so knowledgeable, so insightful with what he has to say. You’re not the only one though. So now what?

Instead of blocking other people from talking to the panelist and asking one question after another, I suggest you focus on leaving a positive and strong impression with a few sentences about yourself and just one question (something connects what he does and what you do). After his answer, politely thank him for his time and ask to exchange business card.

Go back home and relax. Write to the panelist in a few days, remind him how you met and ask for an opportunity to call him/visit his office/arrange a coffee chat, etc. Chances are you will be able to lock in a good amount of his time one-on-one.

Respect your other friends in the night club or other attendees at the conference: you will only achieve something better for yourself.

How to Play the "Unfair" Card

It is almost funny how often I hear the phrase "it's unfair for other people."

At college, if you want to due your homework late, the professor will tell you “it’s unfair for the other students” in the same class, who may have skipped their friend’s birthday parties over the weekend to finish the paper.

At work, if you don’t copy other members on your team when you send out an email to someone in another group, if anything goes wrong, your manager will tell you “it’s not fair for him/her or anyone else on the team” because they were not involved in the first place and were not able to correct you in a timely manner, and now everyone looks bad in front of some other team.

Then I started to realize how powerful it is to pull the “unfair” card. I was once organizing a group trip to the west coast and someone decided to pull out last minute due to budget concerns. Besides everything else I said, I told him, “this is not fair for everyone else who committed to the trip” and who believed the price will be at $XX for the hotel, now with you not going, everyone else will have to pay extra.

He ended up going of course, and he had a blast.

Want It, Earn It

It really does not feel like a New Year, definitely not another decade, maybe still somewhere in 2008. I stared at the time on the bottom right of my computer for a long time today, and I said so to myself.

I just had a call with IRS, after waiting online for like 10 minutes, of course. Apparently I never received my tax return for 2008. I put down the direct deposit information but it was still scheduled to be delivered as a check. The representative told me that it was actually mailed out by the end of May, 2009, to my building, but for some reason it did not include my apartment number on it. He asked me to mail over 3911 to initiate the tracing process and they will find out what exactly happened to my check. And if it is the case that the check is lost and not cashed out, they will issue another refund.

I am pretty happy about the call. I am happy because I made the call. I couldn’t stop but thinking what if I don’t, what if I am just too lazy or I am too afraid to reach out to other people to understand what exactly happened, then I would never be able to get that refund. The case will just be dropped, and forgotten. Like many other things in this world.

If you don’t stand up for yourself, nobody else will. If you don’t make an effort to earn it, it only means you don’t want it that much to start with.

Office politics can be challenging but also interesting. But honestly the fundamental rule is: get your job done, and get it done very well. Especially for junior employees, everything else comes after this. But then there is how much initiative you are taking. Are you waiting for assignments or asking for them. When you are asking the help from someone else, what can you offer them back. If you need to get something done urgently, you simply send out an email, or you email, and call, and IM, or maybe use some closer contact in that department to make sure it will get done. It will make some differences, and could be big differences, and eventually this is how you build up your reputation.

And if you don’t have one, before pointing at other people, why don’t you ask yourself if you’ve made a good effort to earn it.

Maybe totally unrelated, so I have to switch my apartment soon so I used a broker. Apparently he’s screwing me up by asking me for a higher rent and then telling me he has lowered the rent but I have to give him the payment difference upfront in order for him to get the deal, while in fact, the rents are toward the lower end to start with. I didn’t think too much about it in the beginning, but right before lease signing I was really convinced that it’s totally a spam and he’s just asking for a broker fee in a fishy way.

I was pretty pissed, but I remained calm, and polite. I refused to pay the extra, and I made strong and reasonable arguments and listed all the numbers and references. I ended up not paying the extra fees of course, and the broker was not happy. Fine, but that is not my fault, because he was not being honest about the hidden fees to start with and if I was nice and stupid to pay the fees, it’s only unfair and I wouldn’t think I were being financially responsible to myself.

M randomly called me the other night, and popped the question if I am happy. I said to be honest I AM pretty happy. He was surprised, how come you work in finance and still can be happy? And what does pretty happy mean anyways? I wish this IB trader could see my face. I said on a scale of 100, it is between 85-90. He said that is really high, I was thinking about slightly over 50. For a second I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I was giving an honest answer.

W was yelling at me again. Actually if I were not there, she will probably yell to the air, or to the walls, or to the sink. If someone asks the same happiness question to W, she will probably answer 0 (or maybe 0.1), I am not joking. Some people are just not happy. No matter how much they achieve, how much money they have, how many friends are around them, they simply do not have the fundamental source of happiness within themselves. And they are so surprised to see why other people, those who might not even be as well-off as they are, could be so happy, so then they freak out, and they hate other people, and they become unhappier.

I am sorry but who do you put the blame if you don’t even want to be happy yourself? I am sorry if you actually do want to be happy why I do not see you even trying?!

I think the most encouraging compliment you can give a person is that “you are a really motivated young man”. For those who are constantly worried for nothing, or too lazy to actually do anything, please refer to the following:

If you want something so badly, you will earn it eventually. If you really want the best for yourself, it will happen to you.

And if you don’t, then you sure as hell do not deserve it.

ZT: Surprising Stock Market Indicators

Since the dawn of trading stocks, investors have attempted to predict the direction of the markets, making calls based on everything from solid research to gut instincts. In this vein, market indicators have been developed, acting as tools to help investors predict future market movements.

Although countless indicators of varied usefulness exist, there is a special breed that finds itself off the beaten path, for obvious reasons. Some are humorous, others scientifically studied, but all have one thing in common: they attempt to predict future market performance. Not to mention that they can be rather entertaining.

With that said, keep in mind that using these indicators is at your own risk, although the high degree of reliability (not to be confused with validity) of some may surprise you...

1) Hemline/Skirt Length Indicator

This theory suggests that the direction of the economy can be predicted based upon the average length of hems in that year’s new fashion lines. If skirts are short, markets are on the rise. Conversely, if skirts are long, markets are heading down.

The rationale is that longer skirts are worn when general consumer confidence is low, demonstrating fear and lacked spending. When skirts are short, consumer optimism and confidence is high, indicating a bullish market.

Though not a generally accepted indicator, major shows such as NYC’s fashion week do offer a unique perspective into the global psyche; where designers from around the world, working independently, come together to unveil that year’s designs. These designs are at least in part influenced by the culture and economy surrounding the designers.

In early 2008, from London to New York to Milan, reports suggesting the drop in hemline length were abundant… and so were the references to the stock market. Looking back to reports from 2007 and 2008, the headlines are eerily prophetic: Reuters Sept 07: Low Hemlines Spell Bad News for the Market?

2) The Boston Snow Indicator

This simple, one-for-one indicator suggests that a white Christmas in Boston means a rise for stocks the following year. The most common example is in 1995, when more than 11 inches of snow fell on Boston. In 1996, the S&P was up more than 20 percent, and the Dow increased more than 26 percent, so what’s the correlation?

In reality, there is no statistical correlation between Boston’s Christmas snowfall and positive performance in major market averages, which is why it is also called the “BS Indicator,” named by some NY Yankees fans on Wall St.

In the past 30 years, Boston has seen 9 White Christmases, according to the Farmer’s Almanac. In the years following, the S&P 500 was up 5 times (+14.99 on average), and down 4 times (-7.83 on average). It seems the Boston Snow Indicator may be more of a coin toss and less of a solid indicator.

3) Super Bowl Indicator

The Super Bowl indicator is based on the belief that a championship for an AFC team predicts a decline in the stock market for the coming year, and a win for the NFC means the stock market will be up. The NFC is comprised predominantly of original NFL teams, from before the 1970 merger with the AFL. (Original NFL teams that switched to the AFC when the AFL and NFL merged include the Steelers, the Colts and the Browns.)

The indicator has been pretty consistent over the years when it comes to the original NFL/AFL teams. Of the 22 NFL wins, with Dow and S&P 500 have been up 12.3 percent and 12.2 percent on average, while over the 14 AFC wins, the Dow and S&P have been down 4.8 percent and 3.6 percent, respectively. These numbers don’t take into account expansion teams that have been created since the merger.

Luckily for this year both Super Bowl contenders - the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers - were both original NFL teams. Although there may be no logical connection between Super Bowl winner and the stock market, the results have certainly been consistent. For more stats on this indicator, check out this post on our By The Numbers Blog.

Of note, for each of the five prior Steelers Super Bowl wins, the Dow has had double digit gains.

4) Billboard Top 100 Indicator

The newest indicator on this list is rooted in pop culture — it's got a good beat, and you can dance to it. Phillip Maymin, assistant professor at the Polytechnic Institute of New York University, released a study in late 2008 that analyzes the connection between volatility in the market and trends in popular music.

Maymin analyzed the “beat variance” in songs from the Billboard Top 100 chart using sophisticated computer software, looking at songs from 1958 through 2007. He found that songs with high beat variance — individual tracks that shift tempo throughout the song — are preferred in times when market volatility is low. When volatility is high, people tend to prefer songs that have a more consistent beat.

Mayman suggests that high beat variance is more intellectually draining, and thus less popular during times of high volatility. His paper also analyzes trading volatility based on his findings, and the potential profitability of the indicator.

Can this trend be trusted? Maymann himself suggests that mood is the key driving force of this indicator, which has been known to affect markets. It certainly is the most scientifically approached indicator on this list…The original scientific paper can be downloaded here.

5) Lipstick Indicator/Lipstick Effect

This bearish indicator is based on the idea that when individuals feel uncertain about the future, they turn to less-expensive luxuries, most notably vanity items such as lipstick. The trend suggests that lipstick sales increase during a recession or times of economic uncertainty. The use of lipstick has also been suggested to be a “mood enhancer,” which would understandably function to lift spirits during depressing times.

According to the New York Times, this term was coined by Leonard Lauder, the chairman of Estee Lauder, who noticed a surge in lipstick sales in the downturn following the September 11 attacks. How has this indicator held up in 2008? The New York Times reported in November that sales of cosmetics had risen more than 40 percent in the last months of 2008 with other sources reporting cosmetics sales up across the board.

6) Harvard MBA Indicator

This is a long-term indicator founded in quite a bit of logic. It looks at the percentages of Harvard Business school graduates entering into various market-sensitive jobs, such as investment banking, private equity and securities trading. The indicator signals investors to exit the market if more than 30 percent of graduates take these jobs, while investors should go long if less than 10 percent of graduates move into these fields.

The indicator is meant to demonstrate long-term trends based on the attractiveness of Wall Street jobs. The idea is that the more Harvard grads entering the financial job market, the more likely the market is nearing a top, or building a bubble that is about to burst. Conversely, when markets are lagging, fewer want to enter Wall Street and it may indicate a buying opportunity.

The indicator was created by Roy Soifer, a Harvard business graduate. In 1987 and 2000, Soifer’s index gave sell signals, and the S&P moved +2.04 percent and -9.78 percent respectively. However, the 1987 call seems rather prophetic, given the stock market crash that Fall.

7) January Effect

First recognized in the 1980s by Don Keim, a graduate student from the University of Chicago, was the January effect. He observed the phenomenon dating back to 1925, where small cap stocks outperform the broader market and mid- to large cap stocks in the month of January. T

he trend arises from a historical sell-off trend that occurs in December, as private investors (who tend to disproportionately hold small cap stocks) sell their securities, creating tax losses in order to offset capital gains. The January effect results as these individual investors will reinvest following a drop in prices after the relatively artificial surge in sell orders.

However, the January effect has been less pronounced in recent years, with the increased popularity of tax-sheltered retirement funds, which remove the incentive to sell for a tax loss at the end of the year. There is also the idea that according to the direction that the market takes in January, the rest of the year will follow. “As goes January, so goes the year.” For more information on this, check out a recent post on our By The Numbers Blog.

8) Aspirin Count Indicator

When times are tough, headaches abound… and aspirin sales go up! The idea is that, as a lagging indicator, stock prices and aspirin sales are inversely related. So, when the sales of asprin go up, the market goes down. This is generally considered more of a humorous theory than a concrete strategy.

How did this lagging indicator perform in 2008? Wyeth reported that sales of pain/headache reliever Advil were up 2 percent (to $673 million) compared to a year earlier, noting a sales increase of 8 percent (to $171 million) in the fourth quarter. So, at least for 2008 there seems to be a correlation, but then again, the aspirin count indicator has never been formally studied.

9) Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue is a hot topic in the world of economic indicators.

First, there is an indicator based upon the nationality of the cover model. It suggests that when the cover model is from the United States, the S&P will show a return for the year above it’s historical rate. With a non-American cover model, the S&P 500 will underperform for the year.

From 1979 to 2008, the average return of the S&P 500 was 8.87 percent. When the cover model was American, the average annual return of the S&P 500 was 13.9 percent. With a non-American cover model, the average annual return for the S&P 500 was 7.2 percent.

Going against the theory, the best performing year for the S&P 500 was in 1995 (up 33.56 percent) when the cover model was Daniela Pestova, of the Czech Republic. The worst performing cover model was also a victim of the financial meltdown, American-born Marissa Miller saw the S&P plummet 38.49 percent during her cover year. This year’s cover: Bar Rafaeli, an Israeli citizen.

There also appears to be a trend in the hair color of the cover model. For more, check out this post from our By The Numbers Blog.

10) Pallet/Cardboard Box Indicator

The Pallet/Cardboard Box indicators are straightforward and rather logical. Basically, the higher the demand for corrugated boxes and shipping pallets — necessities when shipping products to customers — the higher the demand for the products being shipped.

Today, virtually everything purchased on a large scale at some point was in a box or shipped on a pallet. Known followers of the cardboard box indicator include Alan Greenspan, who was known to look at cardboard box numbers, among other things, for insight into shifts in the economy.

In today's down economy, numerous businesses in the corrugated box industry are posting losses. Among them was European firm Smurfit Kappa Group PLC, the continent’s largest producer of the cardboard boxes. Smurfit’s revenues fell by $269.9 million in 2008 from 2007, with operating profits falling 50 percent, according to company documents.

It seems the cardboard box indicator can give some pretty reliable insight into the ebbs and flows of the markets. In a similar approach, many look at the transports to prognosticate that increased shipping implies a growing economy.

11) The Big Mac Index

Developed by The Economist, the Big Mac is dubbed “the world’s most accurate financial indicator based on a fast-food item.”

The indicator is based on the theory of purchasing-power parity, which is the notion that one dollar should buy the same amount of product in every country. The Economist suggests that in the long run, the exchange rate between two countries should reach equilibrium, and the ability to buy the same items in each country should remain in-sync.

The Economist selected the Big Mac for its ubiquity — it is sold in about 120 countries. The index, however, only lists Big Mac PPP levels in 34 currency zones, according to their most recent report. The comparison of actual exchange rates with the Big Mac’s purchasing power parity ostensibly sheds light on whether a currency is under- or over-valued. The Economist provides a thorough history of its index on its Web site.

Reflections

On September 1st I walked out of my cozy apartment on 28th street and as I was rushing to the subway station, the coolness of the morning breeze struck me. I looked up into the sky and it was the same sheer blueness, and people were still busily walking around in their summer clothes, but at that moment this little voice started to talk at the back of my head: wow, so it’s autumn again.

It’s just like realizing, wow, it’s been a year since I started working in New York, and it’s amazing how I love this city a little bit more every day.

I finally took my vacation in mid August. I admit it was a hell of hectic to schedule such a vacation with a group of people, especially if you have more than enough to worry about at work in the mean time. But it turned out to be one of the most rewarding experiences in my life: Yes there are too many beautiful people in Miami, and they have huge alcohol cups similar to fish tanks; yes the water is gorgeous in Virgin Islands and the beaches are so relaxing and almost make you never want to leave again, and they have alcohol cups come in different animal shapes at Red Hook…

But the most amazing thing is that I got really close with the group of people I am traveling with. I became the huge fan of “the cube” test after I learned it from M (rest assured, I want to thank you for sharing the test and you play amazing guitar). And my answer to the flower question is that I have many, come in all shapes and kinds, and they lie around the cube, which is true I guess, if it really represents friendship. But close friends are not that easy to find; once found, probably even harder to keep.

The other day I realized I still took too many things for granted. I was telling a new friend that H and X are my best friends without noticing I haven’t even talked to them for weeks. I would simply reply “I’m busy” when they finally decided to shoot me a line on msn/gtalk while they might have considered doing that 10 times already. I regret that I have done that to you. H, I do owe you drinks and be prepared to come claim for it; and X, you have always listened to my craps and never asked anything from me, but when you visited us back in New York I wasn’t even able to spare a dinner with you. I am going to call you this week, I promise.

And Y, it’s such a pleasant surprise you will be working right next to my building for the next couple of weeks and sorry I wasn’t even able to get back to you in time about lunch recommendations. Sometimes I wonder how we become close, to be honest. I mean for all those years we were supposed to be together but never really together at school. But I have a secret to tell you: the other day, in the cab, when I was trying to avoid the conversation about T, again, you looked at me in the eye and said, you can’t even tell me about this? Yes that was the moment I decided to be completely open to you.

I used to be very emotional. I guess through the years I learned to be in better control of myself and sometimes I am afraid to express myself too much, because then I would probably want to cry. Like to my parents, I owe them so much but I couldn’t say I love them as much. And like to you, you probably don’t know but you guys mean the world to me. And the thing that I appreciate the most from all of you, is that you are so deadly honest with me. You are the ones I could yell at, be mad at, sometimes even ignore, but never betray. If there is one offer I could give you I’d like to say: you are safe with me.

Sometimes I wonder what life holds for each one of us. There are always people who seem to have never worked hard enough but got everything, and there are always people who tried everything they can but still won’t get what they want. Why? Today I realized life may simply have a plan for you. If you are good enough, things will happen to you. The other day a headhunter contacted me, one year through my work, about a mid-year Associate level position; and the PM I had a huge crush on invited me to this game tonight (it didn’t really work out but it still made my day).

Seriously, if you are good enough, things will happen to you, eventually. This is what I felt when I first met you J. But I have to step back and reflect before I can move on. There are things people are looking for in each other. A girl looking for some rich guy is no different from a guy looking for a pretty girl. It is normal. I was once confused if I didn’t go to Yale, I don’t have this long hair, I don’t work in finance, or I don’t speak those languages, or I don’t know as many people, will you, or anyone, still like me? I was trying that hard to separate myself from all the titles, the outlook, the so-called qualifications. Then one day I suddenly realized those are me, those made me who I am today. And I would probably look at you and inevitably judge you the same way you were judging me.

So I was relieved, and happy. Because it is still amazing, that those who you care about also care about you.

So people, I want to invite you to take the ride with me. And this one is for you L: No matter what happens I know I owe you this one:

Life, not time.

How honest can you be?

A few days ago, I discovered Penelope Trunk’s blog and I have been reading it almost non-stop. She is insanely honest and extremely sharing with her insightful and practical advices on networking, job hunting, career and life in general.

“How to decide how much to tell about yourself on your blog” was among the very first few articles I read about her and I was stunned, but the more I read into her writings the more I came to understand why she could be so successful as a blogger, a woman, and a careerist. Because she dares to put herself out there; she dares to take risks to explore around in order to find her true desire and strengths; and most importantly she admits and accepts her failures (or anything bad that ever happened to her), be cool about it, and then just moves on.
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/07/21/how-to-decide-how-much-to-tell-about-yourself-on-your-blog/

Boys used to hate me in elementary school, because I report to the teacher. I didn’t see this as a problem because I always got the top scores anyway, until one day someone started throwing snowballs at me and many other boys joined him.

My first year in middle school was just ok. My school was again pretty dominated by guys and only those who play basketball liked me because I always go cheer for them when they are playing against other classes. Then one day my head teacher called me to her office and told me some guys didn’t like me that much because they thought I was selfish. I was shocked, but more than shocked I was confused. I asked my teacher why would they think that way and my teacher replied I don’t know either but it seems to them that being the team leader, you don’t do enough cleaning work when your team is assigned to be on duty.

Oh I see. It was clearly a false claim to me but for a moment I didn’t know how to tackle it. It was toward the end of the semester and then I got an idea, or an idea naturally came to me. We write self-analysis report every semester in which we summarize our performance on a bunch of things, and we are supposed to read it out loud to the entire class the last day at school, every word. That semester, besides commenting on my studies, my dancing, cheerleading, meeting hosting and a bunch of other activities, I said:

It seems some of you thought I was selfish, I am not sure where you draw this conclusion from but I don’t think this is true about me. In my team I have assigned the work according to gender, height and the workload. The work I assigned to myself is by no means easier or less time consuming than any other work that other people are assigned to. For the sole purpose of effective allocation, I think it’s most efficient for me to do this piece of work because I think everyone else is doing great and is the most suitable person for every other job. If anyone still thinks I am selfish simply because I used my judgment to better use everyone’s time, please let me know and I am more than willing to exchange my job with you if that will make you happier.

Yes I read these words out loud to my entire class, and it is no surprise that everyone else, including the teacher, was stunned. However what went beyond my imagination was that I became the most popular kid in the class, especially among guys. Was it because I was being logical and I honestly played a powerful defense? I highly doubt that. I think it was simply because I even dare to talk about these things in public, to reveal the fact that some people pointed out that I was selfish.


Most people will downplay anything remotely negative to their image. It is probably highly unnecessary. When Ellen finally revealed that she was gay, yes she lost her job, but it opened up many windows and eventually a completely refreshed and relieved world to her. Come to think about it, it’s not even that hard.

Be honest, and set yourself free.

A Random Walk on a Rainy Day

I was walking on 9th street toward 2nd avenue, when it started to rain. I went into the Starbucks around the corner and waited in line to get my favorite mango banana Viviano. The woman in front of me ordered 2 packs of coffee that would probably feed a zoo, and the guy behind the counter had a smirk that reminded me of an old friend.

It was another Sunday late morning, and I was walking in the rain in East Village, without an umbrella. I was in my white dress with black roses and I was not in a hurry. The raindrops caressed my hair and crept down my face, I was too lazy to raise my arm to my eyebrow so I let the water blur my green color contact.

It was not blurred however, it was crystal clear.

I wandered under the sidewalk shed and I remembered how she posed against one of the bars while another Indian/Middle Eastern looking guy, in suit and sports shoes, was sitting right next to her talking loudly on phone, how they completely ignored each other’s existence, how the photographers worked so hard to capture the asymmetry from different angles, and how random people on the street took out their cell phones to shoot this bizarre assembly of a Gothic dressed vampire looking model with an innocent looking stranger on phone.

I was looking at them from across the street, and I was smiling. It was one of the moments that you would feel so close and so remote from the city, like you are in a complete crowd and suddenly you yearn for solitude.

It was probably the first time I began to appreciate a rainy day, just like I began to appreciate the mindset of being alone. Alone but not lonely, it’s the state of mind I was trying to pursue. But every so often we confuse the two, and the other night at the club I suddenly felt so lonely and almost desperate. It was not healthy I know but it was so hard to control. I had to leave that place crowded with happy faces and drunken music. I had to find a place to hide, somewhere safe, somewhere I could call home.

I have been away for so long. I saw the picture of my dad the other day. I haven’t seen him for 2 years and he got so slim that really scared me. I called home immediately and it was busy tone again and again. I was devastated and water started to come out from my eyes. I remembered when I was little how I used to sit on my dad’s hand and he twisted my little butts around; I remembered when he came back as a visiting scholar from the US (after 3 years and then I was a first year in middle school) and I was stunned by how short he became and how tall I had grown…

And now I was so scared and I almost felt I was losing him. Luckily it was just he has been doing a lot of walking, like several hours of intensive walking every day. He didn’t lose any weight but just got fit. Maybe it’s good for him. It was a relief to me.

I talked to my parents, for the first time, calmly, about this guy I have been kind of seeing, and I was surprised that they took it amazingly well. It was almost incredible that my parents didn’t vote negatively immediately and they were even patient enough to hear all the details that I couldn’t even recall. My dad said, it was a positive that your mom was not yelling at you. But I think it’s because she hasn’t heard from you about anyone for so long so she didn’t want to disappoint you, or herself.

I took a long breath in the rain, and I hear people talking, about irrelevant things. New York is amazing as in it’s so big, so nobody even notices you; and as in it’s so small, so you can totally run into someone you know almost every day, at randomly corners, random times. Last Halloween I was intimidated I had to take the subway dressing up as a pirate. My roommate told me, don’t you worry, you’ll only see worse.

And she’s absolutely right. Sometimes I wonder if I would even find a place for someone as tiny as myself; but one day you will know that New York has the power to accommodate every character and uniqueness.

You remain alone though, in this world that can be a little bit crazy. The first step to appreciate everything and everyone else, is to enjoy the very moment and be absolutely comfortable, when you are with yourself.

And my parents, I love them too much, they don’t even know.

When you lose everything

I randomly discovered Ellen DeGeneres’s commencement speech at Tulane. I watched Ellen’s talk show 4-5pm almost every day my senior year. She used to make my afternoons filled with laughter and joy, and some contemplation about life. Now I have a full-time job so I have to skip but this clip reminds me how sharp and hilarious she is.

Enjoy!

500 Days of Summer

Joseph Gordon-Levitt
500 Days of Summer

Justin Long
He’s just not that into you

Rodrigo Santoro
Love Actually

I love these 3 movies, and these guys are so cute in them. For some reason I thought they are all half Asian. But turns out Joe was born in LA and raised as a Jew; Justin was born in Connecticut and raised as a Roman Catholic; and Rodrigo is a Brazilian.

This demonstrates how wrong I can be about people a lot of times. Or again, people see what they want to see: you notice one thing, and you completely ignore everything else. I see them as half Asian because I like them, I want to relate to them, and because I know nothing else about them, I could probably only assume that they are half Asian, which makes me more comfortable liking them.

Yes I want to relate to you, to identify with you, to find another self within you, maybe then I could be safe. But a lot of times, no matter how hard you try to understand a person, you end up finding a complete stranger. As weird as you are, you couldn’t figure out the other person’s weirdness. There are too many question marks haunting your little mind, so then you freak out, then you want to escape.

And the worst thing came when you said, I don’t think I’m coming back again. And He looked at you for a couple of long seconds, and said, Ok, I understand. Not knowing what else to say, you rushed out feeling incomplete or even betrayed, and the next second you know you wanted him back but oh too late, he now refuses to respond to any of your messages or calls.

It was your decision to quit, no? But why you are so mad, or so sad?

Take your time when you decide to enter something; cut it off quick and clear when you decide to end something. Most of the time, however, we do the opposite; that’s why we suffer. But would you really know more when you take your time? Aren’t those things you already know to start with but maybe for some reason you are afraid to admit?

Maybe the ending was sad in 500 Days of Summer, I mean she got married, with another guy: “I just woke up one day and I knew…Something I was never sure about with you.” Such a courageous yet heart-breaking line, but it left me wondering, is this love then, when you wake up one day and you know?

Who even created this whole idea of love? Those beautiful words sitting next to each other on the greeting cards, what if it’s just another complete lie we constantly tell ourselves? One of my best friends once told me he wanted a girl who is bad tempered and not easy to control, he thought life would then be more fun and more colorful. I couldn’t make any sense of what he’s talking about.

This is like a disaster to me. I thought ultimately we want to find happiness, peace and understanding. Maybe we’re all fundamentally different: me, and almost everyone else. My best friend once told me, I think you need to find someone who is of your kind.

My kind, uh?
Wow, good luck with THAT…

P.S. I just discovered this blog “Crucial Minutiae”, which is about the little things around us everyday, contributed by a group of talented writers bound by friendship. I added the blog to my Google Reader immediately. They have this very insightful article on 500 days of summer, so enjoy some painful fun here:
http://www.crucialminutiae.com/500-days-of-summer-a-love-letter-to-a-not-love-story

It's Never Too Late

An old saying goes, it’s never too late. Well yeah God gives you one chance, you blow it, then another you blow it again, then another…until one day God decides fine I’m done with it. Up until that day, yeah you can say it’s never too late. But how would you know? Maybe to some extent you know. Maybe your instinct is really there to navigate you.

But the other day I realized one thing what does it’s never too late mean? It means NOW. It means you should stop procrastinating and start doing your job NOW. It also means FORWARD looking. It’s always late if you compare to the past, but past is past, so what matters is what will happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow.

Coordination is hard. You can’t even figure out your own life, how are you supposed to navigate others. Hillary gave an awesome farewell speech when she’s leaving the presidential campaign, better than any other speeches she made during the campaign. It’s hard for women, it’s the dilemma you could not reconcile. You have to try twice as hard just to be perceived the same level as men, then people will critize that you are losing your feminine side that you are now too strong.

But Hillary encouraged us to look forward, to embrace the future, to start off all confident and graceful again. It’s not as easy as it sounds. It demands courage and self-control, more than anything else.

I am exhausted. But tomorrow is another day.

If you know anything about me

I realized that I am first and foremost a sharing person. That is what brought me to BlackRock. That is also why after spending several days doing research on flights (not just where, when and how to find cheap tickets but what dates, even what time frame suggest the best strategies to book them), I shared the information with everyone else who’s going on the trip. They call it time the market, probably.

I am exhausted to be honest. I remember my dad, who’s simply so good at everything. Seriously everything, painting the walls, putting together a wall, adjusting the floor, fixing broken furniture or the sink, he’s better than those so called professionals…These things sometimes detracts him because he has to spend time on this after all. Then he stays up late for his papers and assignment grading, as a professor.

For me, I remember how I used to spend all my independent-studies time to lead dance rehearsals in high schools, or portray pictures on the blackboard for the parents’ board meetings. A friend used to tell me, you work more because you’re good. True, well if God granted me certain gifts that I could take advantage of, the only thing I can think of is to share what I can get with other people. Sometimes I don’t even need a thank you. I just need you to trust me, stop arguing with me, and enjoy the free ride I’ll be offering.

Sounds too nice, almost untrue.

Hardly nice though, yet very true.

I realized what’s important to me. The thing I value the most, efficiency. Efficient and good attitude, I would love you. By efficient I mean do your homework, use all the research tools as much as you can, don’t ask questions that will make you look stupid, and when you communicate with other people, be concise, be reasonable, be right-to-the point. That’s how you build your reputation. Everyone’s time is limited. People would only want to waste their time in the way they want to waste it, and that by all means would not include listening to your rambling (there are exceptions, as always. Who defines exceptions? Yourself)

Sometimes I think my girlfriends want to be with me because I have many guy friends. Sometimes I think my guy friends want to be with me because I have many girlfriends.
Ok, so what? The fact is they are with me. If must still tells something about myself, so I shouldn’t think too much.

Yeah, life is beautiful as it is. Though sometimes I am pissed and I yell at you.
You are still beautiful.

Tree Hole

They said in ancient times, people would go into the mountains and the forests to find a tree hole, and tell the tree hole their secrets, then they seal the hole with some mud, and the secrets would stay there forever.

I guess everyone needs a tree hole. People have too much pressure nowadays. Under pressure, either we run, or we endure. For some people, run is not even an option. So they endure, and endure, and endure, until one day they explode. Yet they don’t talk. They are so afraid that everyone else is everything else but themselves. People are ultimately lonely. The more, the less.

Maybe that’s why I like water. It’s liquid; it’s smooth; it floats and it heals. It demands just a crack to sneak in, but a large space to fill out. It’s like time, something subtle, yet so real. But one day he told me, don’t think about time, think about life.

Sometimes I wish I were a little girl. I would wear a sunflower dress, with a huge hat, and run into the forests to chase squirrels. Then once in a while I will stop to pick the flowers, to taste the creeks, and if I were lucky, I would find a tree hole too. Then I would sit down there and talk and talk, until I fall asleep.

I used to try too hard; now I finally learned to step back, or even step out, stop, and breathe. I have been trying to find someone who fits, someone I could trust and be comfortable with; but recently I have been wondering ultimately what I want…I guess ultimately I want someone who would listen even when I am talking about something really crazy or stupid, someone who would smile back when I am smiling crazily or stupidly.

A tree with a tree hole. A little shade and a safe place.
That’s enough for me.

The Translation for ShanLiang

I never found an accurate translation for this Chinese phrase “Shan Liang”, it basically means being kind in heart, having a soft spot in his soul, having some symphony for those who are weak, poor, hurt or sad.

Michael Jackson died. Probably he was the only other American guy beside Michael Jordon that every Chinese knows as well. There are many articles online about him. About how he died, how his company pushed him to the very last minute with rehearsals, how many debts he had burdened himself, and how different people from all parts of the world were so remorseful over his death.

Then today I saw this tiny article on how he was a person of “shan liang”. It seems right before he passed away, two female American journalists, perceived as national spies, were put into prison in North Korea. After Michael Jackson got to know this, he called up one of the famous journalists and asked him the phone number of Kim Jong-il. Michael thought Kim Jong-il wears military clothes all the time, and Michael himself likes military clothes as well, so he thought Kim Jong-il would very likely be one of his fans. So he decided to call Kim Jong-il to plea to him and to testify that the two American journalists were not spies.

Maybe this is simply a fake one. But I was deeply touched by how shanliang and even naïve he was. So naïve that I wanted to laugh, but when I wanted to laugh I felt slightly sad and weak at the same time. This story touched my soft spot and for a moment I thought to myself, so this is what it is like to be a human being.

I read this Chinese novel the other day. It is about competition, hidden rules, capabilities, promotions, friendship, love, betrayal, and ultimately trust within a large PR firm. Life is easy for nobody, and along the way many of us became less and less of a human. Some people turned into machines, some people turned into animals, and some people turned into devils…yet some remained. They remained vulnerable; they also remained strong.

Be thankful, if you look inside of your heart, you are still human.

Freaking Out

This is probably the second most overly used phrase beside the other F word.

I still remember how my friend commented that the proficiency and comfort of your English can be justified by how smoothly you quote the F word. He used to be amazed by how American kids can squeeze two or three F words with different forms into one sentence at ease. And the master came when sex and the city created the classic of “abso-f**king-lutely”.

Nobody ever cared if those were used in the right way to start with. But nowadays I seem to hear more of the other F phrase. This gorgeous raising junior I know at this Ivy school, balancing between 2 prestigious internships in NYC this summer while so many qualified peers were totally screwed by the financial crisis and had no idea what else to do other than bitching about the economy, confessed to me the other day that she totally freaked out.

I was confused. Freaked out because of the burden of two jobs? Or freaked out because she’s become the target of jealousy. Neither. The answer was half way through college life, fought her way to leadership roles in multiple extracurricular organizations and navigating her academic endeavors through English literature, financial theories and art history, she realized that she had no idea what to do with her future. So she decided to freak out.

Maybe I was exactly like that when I was her age, and I was not even remotely as lucky as she is. Yeah I guess I freaked out too, but I survived. I pushed my boundaries hard enough until one day I realized so what? Yes it’s pretty bad, it’s probably the worst thing ever happened to me, but life goes on. In this world, maybe there is nothing more exciting than life itself. And the fact that I am still hanging right here, means enough for me.

Some of my friends used to say that I think too much. They tell me 1 and I will think about 2, 3, 4, 5. Probably it’s a legitimate claim. But how could you not be thinking? How could you not be curious, how could you not be wondering what kind of person you really are, who you will become in due time, what kind of person you’ll end up with, and what kind of places you’ll end up be at…and when you have no clue to one or two of the questions, you naturally freak out.

Today at work we use freak out in a much more frequent and less fancy way:
Oh my boss wants me to read his palm? What am I gonna say? That really freaks me out…
Compliance breach, oh that freaked me out…
So what are the fees? Shoot what are the fees again? You don’t know either? Don’t freak me out…
PMG’s gone for the day? Oh no I’m totally freaking out…
Another call from Tokyo, gosh our MD’s freaking out again…
Basically it turned into anything that holds a spot along the spectrum from slightly worried to decently anxious to potentially about to breakdown.

Sometimes I laugh at myself how often my colleagues or I myself quote this phrase. It simply comes out naturally, without any effort, as if I am turning into someone who can squeeze the F word into long sentences at ease. Right I was not even thinking when I used it. That’s it. I was not even thinking. Because we don’t have time to differentiate between slightly worried or extremely anxious, we don’t even have time to run to the bathroom, or respond to a SMS, or go downstairs to grab some real coffee.

So we decided to yell out freak out without really freaking out. We can’t afford to really freak out. We just say it anyway.

I think it makes us feel slightly relieved, yeah slightly.

No Pressure

Of course there is no pressure.
There is no responsibility either.

You thought you were happy today.
Because you don't worry about the future.
Or make a void promise you never keep.

But things come together in this world.
That is why choice is hard.
That is why choice differentiates.

You thought you made it fair.
But no, you only want the good ones.
And then one day you will leave me.

leaving me to say to myself:
Oh isn't this just life?

Hey hey, time to wake up~~~

Two kinds

There are two kinds of crazy people in the world.

The first kind is crazy because they are weird, but they are weird in a way that makes a lot of sense. They tend to be charming and amusing. They are lonely too, that’s why sometimes they would fall for you if you are simply good to them. Their weirdness is precious yet vulnerable, something they might want to hide but still naturally show. They come to this world to find someone to appreciate them. And if that someone is you: you give them 1, they give you 100.

The other kind is crazy because their very existence drive other people insane. They do not make sense and they do not need to. Their craziness grows every time when other people become more miserable. The best trick they can play is to hurt someone twice, in the exact same way, and they think there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. They have difficulty recognizing when other people are sad or mad. There is no soft spot in their heart; or maybe they have deleted that long ago.

Be careful though, the second kind can be disguised to be the first one.
Keep away from them.

Overheard

I’d like to get some groceries and put them into your fridge. Hmm I like that idea.

Maybe~~~

--Should I open the window?
--No, you’ve got enough mosquito bite on your ankle.
--Wow I’m impressed that you noticed that.
--Oh there are a lot of things that I’ve noticed.

You are wonderful.

Oh did I tell you that? You are so wonderful.

I guess I’m nervous.

--What do you want?
--For you to be happy.

Do you know why I like it? Because it’s a two-way street. It’s like how I feel when you said we are wearing sunglasses of the same shape.

--Hi.
--What’s up.
--Just checking in.
--Oh when are you going to check out?
--Funny girl.

I like it when you are analyzing me.

I feel like a kid.

Zhu!

Kuaile.

--What are you thinking?
--I think you should promote me.
--But the economy has been bad…
--Hmm, take your time.

--I can’t believe you picked green tea favor!
--oh you don’t like it?
--I love green tea…

--From sweet to comfortable, is that an upgrade or a downgrade?
--An upgrade, for sure.

Te extrano tambien.

The Cube

Imagine a room.
What’s the color of the wall?

Now imagine a cube.
How big is the cube?
Is it solid or transparent?
Where is it in the room, floating in the air or sitting on the ground?

Imagine a ladder.
Where is the ladder?
Is it a long one or a short one?

Imagine some flowers.
Where are the flowers?
How many are there?
Are they of the same type or not?

Now a horse (or some type of animal for guys)
What are the characteristics you’d like to describe him/her?
What is the animal doing in the room?

Finally imagine a storm.
Is it outside of the room or inside of the room?
Does it mess things up in the room?

Done!

If you, too, want to know a total stranger in 5 minutes for things he might not even know about himself. Try the cube.

You are then more than welcome to consult me about how to interpret the answers, lol.